Owning your masculinity is a key to build confidence with women. But being a bad boy or jerk is actually NOT the most confident type of man – the most genuinely confident guy is a Third Stage Man. A man who is so solid, he’s not afraid of vulnerability.
Watch the whole episode: Third Stage Men – Elite Success with Women & Life | Becoming FEARLESS
Editor’s Note: This post was originally published in January 2016. The post has been updated while the video is in its originally-published form.
FEARLESS founder, Brian Begin, explains that most men today don’t have solid confidence with women and have some degree of “nice guy” syndrome, or what “Way of the Superior Man” author, David Deida, calls “second stage” masculinity. They’re not being authentic with people (women especially) and they’re afraid of tension because they don’t have good self-esteem and are seeking external validation throughout their daily life, even moment-to-moment. A guy who doesn’t believe in himself enough to be authentic and confident with women (and socially, in general) is unattractive to women for a multitude of reasons (See the “Related Videos” section for more on nice guy syndrome.), so they often get Friend Zoned.
The guy is so “nice” and women often want to keep him around (especially if he provides for her, takes care of her, and/or is there for her emotionally) but there’s no authentic man there for her to get attracted to – so if you’re a “nice guy” enjoy the Friend Zone and/or unfulfilling relationships in perpetuity…until you decide it’s time to drop the bullshit and get real.
The reason “bad boys” are often attractive to women than “nice guys” is because they are owning their masculinity, sexuality, and reality. They aren’t desperate for validation, know that if one women doesn’t like them, another one right around the corner or across the bar will. They’ll be aggressive, lead, and they aren’t afraid to piss women-or anyone-off. Because if you really boil it down to the core, bad boys love themselves a lot more than “nice guys” – that’s what confidence really is, and confidence is always sexy to women. Bad Boys reflect what Deida calls “first stage” masculinity. Because they are very masculine, unapologetic, and penetrating with their energy…but they also aren’t great with vulnerability or being in deep concert with other’s feelings and emotions around them. They’re “first stage” because they often do unconsciously and/or uncaringly steamroll and disregard others.
“Nice guys,” while having taken steps back in their masculinity, *have* developed their feminine, their depth of feeling, and ability to relate emotionally and consciously pick up on what’s going on for others emotionally. These skills, again, are often developed and used from a place of validation-seeking…but once second-stage “nice guys” start stepping into tension, breaking their need for validation, and owning their natural masculinity, they move towards becoming a very confident hybrid who’s extremely attractive to women: Third Stage Men.
The solution to building your confidence with women? Stepping into tension consistently and learning to love that, fear, and being uncomfortable is a huge piece of that puzzle, and as Brian talks about in the video, it’s really the key to becoming a better man and succeeding in life overall…making you a better man, making you more confident and attractive to women.
Related:
What Women Want – Women Crave Sexual Tension | Inside FEARLESS
Social Confidence Building Exercises – Build Confidence (part 1) | Inside FEARLESS
How to Stop the Nice Guy Syndrome
Third Stage Men – Elite Success with Women & Life | Becoming FEARLESS
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