If you’ve gotten to the point of being really real with women – directly telling them “Hey, you’re cute (or sexy or whatever’s true for you) – but your interactions still seem to go nowhere or die soon after, you may actually be throwing the compliment away with your energy during or right after you say what you have to say.
Editor’s Note: This post was originally published in May 2019.
The first question is whether you’re actually in the tension when you say the compliment, or are you rushing through the tension of what you’re saying and your connection with her to get it over with? (Not attractive or sexy.) Are you really feeling the words, feeling your attraction, turn-on, and curiosity for her? Are you feeling into her and her emotions as you hold eye contact? These are some of the keys to making an impact with your words that I’ve written about in more detail before.
You also want to make sure you’re not being apologetic or fearful – like a scared puppy – in the way you compliment women. You’ve got to give yourself permission and show her you actually want to talk to her more than you want to run away from her.
If you’re doing some of the above things and you’ve got some of that buttery, flirty energy going when you compliment girls but things fall apart soon (or immediately) after, there’s something else I see a lot of men do that kills the impact they just made and their connection with the woman.
They’ll do a great job delivering the compliment in a connected, tension-filled, very attractive way, and the girl loves it. She’s instantly intrigued or attracted or even starting to get turned on. It might even be a little version of what I like to call a “movie moment.”
But then they immediately go into their heads to think or worry, laugh, or they’ll just pull away and out of the tension some other way.
It kills what you just created with her. It’s another version of running from the tension. And if you’ve been following our content for any length of time, you know tension is absolutely key to flirting and creating and maintaining connections that don’t end up in the Friend Zone.
So start to notice if you’re doing any version of this, and then begin to work on catching it and staying in there. Stay in the tension of the moment with her! That’s sexual tension which is where “chemistry” comes from. Let it marinate a little. Or a lot. Silence can be powerful the more you learn to embrace it and get comfortable with it.
This doesn’t mean you can’t move on to other things conversationally – even “boring” questions that many dating experts and coaches will tell you to avoid like the plague. You just need to maintain that buttery, sexual, flirty, open energy with her and not be energetically pulling away or walling off from the tension and connection.
Then, even “So where are you from?” can take on a completely different, flirty, chemistry-filled feel.
