If you feel nervous talking about sex or being sexual with women, THAT’S what’s going to make you come off creepy or awkward. Here’s how to be more sexually confident.
FEARLESS founder Brian Begin talks about sexual confidence to students during the advanced weeklong program in Bucharest, Romania October 18th-24th, 2014.
Why do some guys get away with so much when talking about sex and/or being sexual with women, while other men come off awkward or creepy – and maybe even get called out for it by girls – at the first sign of sexuality?
First, if you’re being totally predatory (think classic cat callers) and don’t see her as a person beyond her looks, that’s not going to work well for you with a lot of girls. That’s not to say you can’t be sexual or forward with women right away, but you should also be open with her emotionally, non-threatening, present, and truly connecting to her – not off in your head.
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But where most men run into problems is confidence (Surprise, surprise!) about their sexuality and being sexual with women. And that often boils down to sexual shame. If you have guilt or shame (conscious or unconscious) around sex or being sexual with women – especially before she’s given you “permission” to be sexual around, towards, or with her – that’s going to cause anxiety or nervousness in you, and that will make you come off awkward or creepy.
So start working on it. Even just with your guy friends – be more explicit and shameless about your sexual experiences or desires. Start inserting more innuendoes and sexual intent into your conversations and interactions with women. And most of all, become more conscious and start catching yourself in the moment feeling uncomfortable, nervous, shameful, or weird about sex so you can stop and work on those beliefs and feelings when they’re being triggered.
Also remember, whether it’s with men or women, strangers or friends: Most people have their own insecurities or shame about sex, so don’t let negative reactions discourage you. Keep being you and working on your sexual confidence, and more and more people will follow your lead. You’ll become the grounding force for their insecurities and anxieties, and the container for women to feel safe being sexual and responding to your masculine sexuality.
*Apologies for the particularly bad audio and camera issues in this one, but we felt the content was still too important not to share.
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