Legendary “lover of women,” men’s coach, and author Zan Perrion explains why making statements about what you want (ie: taking a woman out for a date) instead of only asking questions is one of the keys for how to talk to women confidently and be more genuinely attractive as a man.
Editor’s Note: This post was originally published in February 2016.
Much like us here at FEARLESS, Zan Perrion has never identified with the PUA (“pickup artist”) scene. But he was first made famous when Neil Strauss nevertheless wrote about him in The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists. Zan is a coach, speaker, and author of The Alabaster Girl. (We may get a small commission if you make a purchase through that link.) Many of Zan’s teachings are very in alignment with those of FEARLESS.
How to Talk to Women Confidently
If you’re asking women out, that’s better than what a lot of men are doing – at least you’re going for it, putting yourself out there, and asking for what you want. But when you change a question into a statement of what you want, it can make you come off as more solid and confident, because you’re not asking for anything or potentially coming off as unsure of yourself as easily as you can when you ask things like “Do you want to get coffee?” … You’re simply stating what you’d like, and statements like that just tend to come off as more self-assured and attractive than asking if she wants something.
As Zan discusses in the video, it’s your statement of truth and feels less like needing her approval or needing anything in return, aka less needy. You might have a lot of desire, but that’s very different from neediness.
It’s “I know what I like, what I want to see in my world, and I like you.” She’s then free to decide if that’s something she wants or not, but the vibe is less validation-seeking and communicates more leadership, which can make you more attractive.
Zan and Brian also talk about being light and playful…without being a “dancing monkey” or entertainer.
Full episode: Zan Perrion – Understanding Women & Being Naturally Attractive | Becoming Fearless Ep 11
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