If you struggle with believing in yourself and your confidence or self-esteem isn’t as strong as you’d like it to be, you have limiting beliefs or stories about yourself that are making you doubt yourself or flat-out not believe in yourself.
Editor’s note: This post was originally published in May 2018.
Letting go of these stories, the past, and limiting beliefs is key to truly start believing in yourself, so I’m going to take you through the basics of a powerful process to clean out the garbage in your mind.
Our natural state is one of solid confidence and self-worth. Really, truly loving yourself. And believing in yourself wholeheartedly. Yes, even you, regardless of how insecure or unconfident you feel right now.
The real, most authentic you has a powerful sense of self-esteem. That’s the you underneath your insecurities, limiting beliefs and stories (about yourself, life, and the world), and trauma, shortcomings, and negative past experiences.
But the answer is NOT just “thinking positive” or faking it until you make it. There are cases where those things can work to a degree, but too often, people employing “positive thinking” are forcing positive thoughts or faking confidence that’s so far in opposition to how they truly feel, it doesn’t work. It can even make you come off as robotic or really weird to people, because they can sense that something’s off. That’s not good for your confidence, either!
So how do you actually start believing in yourself? You’ve got to recognize and face what’s really going on inside you, deep down.
That’s where the powerful meditative tool of “releasing” aka letting go comes in.
It’s something that has completely shifted my own life and the lives of countless clients of mine…and the students of many other teachers.
I continue to use and evolve it in my own life and to help clients change their lives faster and faster. There are many different methods of letting go, but I want to go over the basics here in a simple, actionable way so you can begin to let go of the self-worth stuff that’s holding you back and start believing in yourself more very quickly. We’ll focus on a version of releasing called “The Sedona Method,” along with a tweak or two that I’ve found helpful for myself and many clients.
Don’t just read this passively – actually follow along and get an experience of it.
Get Out of Your Head
This isn’t about logically analyzing your (supposed) problems. This is about your feelings and emotions.
Become more aware of your heart – drop your attention to the feeling of it in your chest. If you get still and quiet your mind, you can even start to feel your heartbeat. If you’re having trouble, gently tapping your chest over your heart can help wake up sensation in that part of your body and expand your awareness of it.
Identify the Feeling
What’s a challenge or area where you doubt yourself?
Now, what’s the feeling that comes up as you consider this issue?
Ie: Sadness, fear, hopelessness, anxiety, anger, not good enough. Or even just “uncomfortable,” or “tense,” if you can’t yet find the feeling or emotion. There’s no right answer – it’s what’s true for you and what comes up for you in the moment.
Welcome it
Welcoming, or allowing is what releasing or letting go is actually all about: Removing your resistance to your feelings so they no longer have a hold on you. We’ll go into this in more depth in future posts, and I’ve probably talked about it in videos around the site, but for now just trust me that welcoming is the big key. It’s facing what’s really there, unlike forcing positive thinking.
Ask yourself: Could I welcome this feeling?
Allow yourself to feel what’s there as fully as you can. If it’s too much at first, that’s ok. Just welcome it as much as you can.
What does it feel like? Anger could manifest as tension in your chest, or sadness as tightness or a ball in your throat. Or general tightness or stiffness.
If you’re having a lot of trouble with identifying these feelings, you’re probably in some level of apathy. See if this video and blog post describing apathy resonate.
Sometimes, just by welcoming, the feeling releases on its own.
Ask Yourself the Three Questions
The key here is answering from your heart, not your head, and being very honest with yourself. The more honest and vulnerable you can be throughout this process, the more powerful it is. Trust your gut answer.
- Could I let this feeling go? (Yes or no.)
- Would I let it go? (Yes or no.)
- When?
Answering “no” is ok and on its own can be a powerful part of heeling and to start believing in yourself. Sometimes, the feeling releases anyway, or because you were honest with yourself and stopped resisting how you really feel. Yes, that can actually result in you letting it go.
If thoughts about “why” you can’t let something go start distracting you, return your attention to your heart, quiet your mind, and refocus on the feeling.
Repeat
Whether you get an immediate “yes” and releases or not, feelings often have many layers or aspects to them. Some may go quickly and you’re done with it, but others will take a few, and sometimes many go-arounds.
Appreciate
This is an important piece that’s often missed.
Welcome the better feelings caused by the release – even if “just” 1% – or a fraction of 1% – of the feelings released, that’s progress and you feeling a little better. Success and growth throughout life is largely about tiny improvements, compounded over time. The more you allow yourself to celebrate those, the more attuned you’ll be to getting more improvement, and to really start believing in yourself.
And the appreciation will make you feel better…which is what this is all about! This is a very important part of cultivating more trust and belief in yourself.
Take a moment to sit in and embrace and welcome the better or lighter feeling you’ve created. Congratulate yourself for the work you just did on yourself. Feel it in your body.
Welcome a little more confidence and belief in yourself, and in your ability to change and grow. Even if it’s just a fraction of 1%.
Congratulate yourself for your honesty and vulnerability with yourself – especially if you allowed yourself to say “no”! Even this can help you start believing in yourself.
The Feelings Don’t “Come Back”
Sometimes, clients will tell me that something they’ve released on “came back.” I don’t want you to think about it this way – You did let go of something for good, but as we talked about above, many of our feelings and emotions have multiple layers to them. So when more, similar feelings come up, you’re welcoming and facing more of what’s there. You’re ready for more and you’re progressing.
Welcome Your Growing Ability to Start Believing in Yourself
Then really spend some time welcoming your belief and confidence in yourself. Don’t force more than what’s really there, but again, bask in those 1-percenters. They’re the key to more. This last part can be a great practice on its own, as long as you’re honest and vulnerable with yourself.
Related:
Sedona Method Official Website
How To Release and Build Up Your Confidence and Self-Esteem
Releasing & Letting Go-Why You Should Release Even Good Emotions
Use This Simple Releasing Exercise To Improve Your Dating Life
3 Steps to Stop Being So Hard on Yourself
Questions? Tweet me @BrianFearless
