There are certain qualities that a man can exhibit that are universally attractive to women. Even if a man is not a woman’s particular “type,” if he has cultivated these qualities she will experience “turn-on” when in his presence. This mini-series is a primer to the 8 Qualities that I teach in depth during our live events.
If you’ve missed any of the first five qualities, read those first here:
#1 – Grounding #2 – Tension #3 – Being Decisive
#4 – Listening & Feeling #5 Creating a “Container”
Leading – What Is It / What Do I Mean
Simply put, leadership is attractive.
If you are the kind of man who’s willing to take action, that’s going to get you some attention. People who command attention are typically seen as more attractive, and a piece of that is initiating and leading interactions. Women love this. When you are out with a woman and someone is being rude, do you step into the interaction and tell them to stop? Or do you just let it go by? It shows more leadership to step in and enforce the boundaries of what’s acceptable behavior, and to shut down any behaviors that you won’t tolerate.
Why It’s Important
When a man becomes a leader of his own life, others naturally want to follow. Part of being a leader is being excellent at social interactions, some of which are obviously romantic in nature. This is why many of the greatest leaders are known for their charismatic personalities.
You don’t need to “lead” all the time and decide every minute detail of your interactions together or be uptight about always being in control of everything, but you need to be able to set the general course for where you are heading. It’s ok to get her input and cocreate your experience together, but if you are always looking to the woman to figure out what’s next, that’s not leading.
From asking her out to suggesting plans for dates to leading the direction of interactions, if you’re always looking for her to lead or looking for her explicit permission to nudge things forward, it can drive her NUTS…and put yourself right in the dreaded Friend Zone.
How To Do It / Develop It
Lead and take action.
Leadership is developed through confidence and performance. It’s a trait that builds off the previous qualities we’ve discussed in this series. If you are grounded enough to handle tension and you proactively step into it, you are leading.
Becoming the type of a man who can take charge and make decisions while simultaneously considering the feelings and emotions of those around you is also leadership. Being intuitive and courageous enough to create a strong container for her is another demonstration of leadership. In essence, the leader is the one who guides the direction of the ship and deals with whatever situations come up as they arise.
Especially as we’re talking about leaders, remember that the workplace is just not a great environment for flirting and romance. As the recent awful Hollywood news has reminded us (aside from Weinstein’s alleged non-consensual behavior, which is never ok), it’s of the utmost importance to respect women in your work environment and career as professionals just like you, first and foremost. In general, it’s best to just separate your work life from your dating life entirely. There are plenty of women out there for you. Focus on your career when you’re in work-mode, and find women elsewhere.
Onwards. What are some other examples of leading within an interaction or date with a woman?
It’s being direct and expressing your attraction for her. It’s taking other risks like breaking the physical barrier and touching her (respectfully of course, and in a connected way that’s aware of where she’s at emotionally and comfort-wise). It’s also leading the conversation in a flirty and sexual direction. And it’s being vulnerable when you’re connecting and sharing with her about your life so that she feels comfortable opening up with you, too.
Just like creating a container, these things are equally important in other social situations and in business. Remember that it’s usually not about forcing or obsessive control. It’s just as much about emotional intelligence, awareness, and give and take. Be a leader in those aspects of connecting with people as well.
The great thing about this quality is that it develops naturally as you work on the ones preceding it. As you do this work, you will notice your behaviors shifting over time and it will get easier and easier.
Next, we’ll talk about Penetrating. Yup, you read that right! Read that here to figure out what in the hell I’m talking about.
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