Brian discusses 5 of the main characteristics of how “nice guys” (the co-dependent, try-hard kind of nice guys with “nice guy syndrome”) tend to act in relationships – from relationships with women, to family, to friends, to professional relationships.
1. Enmeshing
Nice guys will fail to have boundaries in their relationships, and be desperate to please their woman (or boss, colleagues, friends, etc) to the point of trying to take care of everything for them and make sure their girlfriend is never, ever upset. They’ll bend over backwards for their romantic partners, all the while hoping for something in return (consciously or subconsciously, but without making their desires or expectations known) until resentment builds up, and they go into…
2. Avoidance
When nice guys get overloaded and resentful by all the enmeshing and people-pleasing they’ve been engaging in, they’ll often go into avoidance. They might disappear or pull away for a while. But then comes…
3. Guilt
The avoidance often starts making a nice guy feel like it’s gone on too long or too far, they might feel fear of abandonment, and guilt will pick up. They’ll often go back to enmeshing from here.
4. Avoidance of Conflict
Conflict terrifies nice guys. They’ll often do everything they can with everyone around them to avoid conflict.
5. Occasional Emotional Explosions
Nice guys have a tendency to occasionally “blow up” on someone emotionally after the tension of all the resentment and avoidance they’ve been engaging in all builds up like a volcano. Then, they’ll often feel ashamed of the explosion, and go into enmeshing – being UBER nice to patch things up, for example – or into avoidance.
Brian goes into all of these – and where these patterns come from – deeper in the video. Enjoy!
