Recap from The FEARLESS Man Live seminar in Bucharest with special guest Zan Perrion.
Editor’s Note: This post was originally published in May 2017.
Lesson #1: Dealing with tension
Tension is everywhere in life, and it’s really where life happens: From putting tension on your muscles in the form of lifting weights at the gym, to the tension around making business deals and sales, to a fireman running into a burning building to save people, to flirting with a woman. If you tense up or lose your cool under tension, things generally aren’t going to go well for you – imagine a firefighter freaking out as he runs into the building vs one that keeps his cool and wits about him – your relationship to tension can be the difference between life or death (for you and others), and that’s a big part of why women are so naturally drawn to men who handle tension well. In the realm of dating, whether it’s a woman flirting with you, testing you, or angry at you, do you step into that emotional tension, or do you avoid it? And are you relaxed when you step into the tension with her, or are you shaky and overly reactive to her and the tension? The more grounded and relaxed you can be and more FUN you can have with her – i.e. being playful – in the tension, the more attractive you’ll be and the stronger the connection you’ll form with her.
Lesson #2: Grounding
Your ability to handle tension well starts with your ability to stay grounded…and re-ground yourself when you get ungrounded. Grounding is relaxing your mind and body, especially under pressure and tension. We coach you how to become more grounded at live events, but one thing that you can do is become more aware of your lower back (your literal and figurative “spine” as a man), the backs of your legs (representing more of your masculinity), and your feet and heels (your connection-grounding-to the earth.) And just work on relaxing your body and slowing down your mind.
Lesson #3: What women are really saying when they test you
When a woman tests you, it doesn’t necessarily mean she’s saying “no” or trying to put you down. Sometime’s she’s just saying “not right now” or “not here” (i.e. if she turns down an attempt to kiss her). Sometimes she’s turned on and just engaging in a form of hard flirting that can build more sexual tension and chemistry and turn her on more. Sometimes she’s pushing on your insecurities because she wants you to get stronger and let them go. You have to be grounded to handle tests well.
Lesson #4: Creating a container
Creating a container is the ability to ground and manage a space – and basically make people feel like they’re in a safe space (especially emotionally) with your grounded, relaxed energy and vibe. It’s also leading and directing the energy of a room – like an events director guiding the whole energy and experience of the event space. When you create a container for a woman, she feels safer being more feminine for you, more playful, more sexually open, free, and wild…and the list goes on. Leaders in any area tend to be good at creating containers for the people they lead.
Lesson #5: Being penetrating energetically
You’ve got to penetrate energetically before you penetrate physically. When you make eye contact with a woman you’re attracted to, how deep and focused is your eye contact in that moment? Are your eyes darting around a lot, or do you look deep into her and really connect with her – even having a conversation with her – through your eyes? That penetrating energy is where a lot of great flirting really starts. Flirting begins before the words, and it’s about who you’re being as a man. Penetrating energetically is a big part of how you let her know you like her and how you really connect with her.
