There is a way to reclaim your confidence and become the man you want to be. And that is by stopping watching porn now.
It’s no secret that the porn industry is a billion-dollar business. And since its inception, men have been its primary consumers. But what happens when you become one of those consumers?
You can start to lose touch with who you are as a man. You can begin to feel insecure and doubt your ability to attract women. You may even question your masculinity. But it doesn’t have to be this way. Watch this video – you won’t regret it!
Video Transcription:
What’s going on guys? It’s Fearless Friday. So check it out. I want to talk today about porn and how porn is killing your confidence in relation to women or how it’s killing your confidence in life. In general, it’s affecting the way that you show up in the world on the daily basis.
Now I struggled with watching porn since I was 12 years old and I didn’t get it cleaned up until the age of 35. And it’s still an ongoing process every day. I didn’t know that there was so much confidence undiscovered. What I noticed was the more days I got away from porn, the more confidence was showing up in my life. A level of confidence I had never seen before now.
I had already been doing the work were Fearless, so I had been getting better with women, but getting rid of the porn, I should say, actually skyrocket everything I had learned to the next level completely because my confidence went up.
I wanted to go out and be around women. I wanted to go around, be around people. I wanted to talk to people more. I wanted to go out and do things that I loved to do that porn was robbing me of before. So if you guys are the type of guys who are maybe watching porn once a week or once a month, or once every two months or so, then this video’s probably not for you.
You probably don’t have an issue with porn, but if you’re the type of guy who’s cranking them out, maybe two or three times a day, sometimes five or six, then this is probably killing your confidence. And my guess is that it is killing your confidence because I know what that’s like. Now, why is it so important that we talk about this topic?
Because nobody’s really talking about it or the NOFAP community’s talking about it, but nobody’s really talking about the effects that it has and how you show up for everything. The lack of motivation, the lack of drive, the apathy that it really induces in you that makes you not want to get up and go do just very basic stuff. And it makes doing very basic stuff so difficult when it’s actually not.
The minute that you start to get weeks away from it, you start to feel the surge of motivation. Like, “Yo, I can do this. I can do that. I want to go do this. I want to go do that.” And all of a sudden life starts to get better. Now, again, it’s not easy. We know that, but I’m going to tell you in this video, the three things that I noticed about porn and that helped me overcome it.
Okay. Before we go there, I want to talk about liking and subscribing and how it’s as much for us as it is for you guys. Right? When I used to work at the library, I used to have Brian constantly in my ear, in the headphones because I was watching these YouTube videos and I had the phone in my back pocket.
And so just kind of listening to him while I was shoving, these books was really priming my brain to understand the nice guy syndrome. What grounding was, what women like, how to connect with them, how to be more open sexually, create sexual tension, flirt more. And it started to really get into my subconscious so that when I went out and actually talked to girls, I started to do these things very unconsciously.
And I was like, “I don’t know how this stuff is starting to cultivate so quickly,” but I can directly link it back to listening to him while I was driving to work, listening to him while I was driving home from work, listening to him while I was at work, just really keeping it in my ear and it made growing a lot faster.
So if you guys really want to grow, which I think you do because you’re watching these videos in the first place, then like and subscribe. So you can get the videos. Hit play on them even if you’re not present enough, watching them.
Hit play on them, let them play on the speakers in your house, walk around and do your task, your work on the day, but just let it be in the background so that it starts to seep in and it’ll grow you faster. I guarantee you guys.
Let’s jump into the first thing that I noticed about, or say not the first thing I noticed, but the first thing that helped me get away from porn to become more confident. Now, what I had to do was get a coach. I got a coach who specialized in kicking the habit of porn and it wasn’t easy with me. I was very stubborn when it came to letting it go because I had been using it for so long as it crushed.
And I didn’t even realize that any little, any little trigger and there I was, grabbing my phone or looking at the laptop or just going hours deep, three, four hours a day, just scrolling, scrolling, scrolling, and just depleting myself of life, force energy, my sperm. And so the thing that I had to do was get past the first three to five days in order to really start to feel that confidence again.
And if you ever go to this channel, this guy he’s on YouTube, his name is Addiction Mindset. And his name is Dr. Frank. And he has a lot of great videos on how to kick habits. And he talks about the first three to five days of kicking a porn addiction, and what to expect.
Now, when you know what to spec going into this, you have a greater chances of actually kicking the addiction versus somebody who’s just trying to quit cold Turkey and doesn’t know what to expect going into it, which is again, is just going to lead them back to watching porn again.
And they’re going to go through the cycle over and over. And I was doing that earlier on. So what he says in his video is that you’re going to feel emotions that you don’t want to feel. You’re going to feel some heavy emotions. You’re going to feel some anger. You’re going to feel some sadness, some grief, frustration, right?
And the reason for that is you’re actually going to start feeling more than you’ve ever felt before, because remember porn is numbing you out, right? You’re using porn so that you don’t have to feel your emotions, which a lot of guys are doing.
And so as a result, when you start to spend days away from porn, you start to feel an intensity of emotions, especially the heavier ones. You start to feel more intense sadness, more intense anger, more intense fear, anxiety, worry, doubt, but on the same coin, you start to feel more intense in the higher emotions as well, which is courage, acceptance, peace, love.
You start to feel a lot of those emotions, those emotions more intense as well. So you get a little bit of both of them. And if you know that going into them, you kind of already know what to expect and how to put things in place so that you don’t slip down the cycle or the rabbit hole of watching porn.
Now, the one thing that I had to do to really get me out of it in the first three or five days was be very aware that the first three to five days is going to be the most difficult.
And what I had to do was give myself things to do, to keep me away from the house long enough so I couldn’t go home and I couldn’t lay in the bed and masturbate. And so I had to do this a lot because I kept having these relapses going back again, back again, back again until it finally stuck.
And I got far enough out where I can look at it and be like, “If that was a cycle that was super difficult to get past.” But now that I’m on this side of it, I’m feeling more confident, I understand it. And I actually prefer being over here more than I did being there, but that was very difficult to get to that point.
So again, the greatest thing that helped me in that was knowing what to expect. So go over and watch Dr. Frank’s video on that the first three to five days, he’s got it somewhere in his playlist. If you go to, I think it’s porn addiction playlist, and you’ll see it in there once you get there, I guarantee you.
The second thing that really helped me out in overcoming porn and getting more confident in everything in life and more motivated, especially in my approaches was I had to know what my triggers were. And I didn’t know what my triggers were because I had never paid attention to it because I didn’t care to pay attention to it because I didn’t have any plans to stop.
I didn’t have any plans to stop it until it started really affecting my work. It started to affect the way I coached it started to affect my income. It started to affect the way I was showing up with women in the minute that I saw how confident I was when I wasn’t watching it.
I was like, “I’ve been playing the game on hard his whole time. And I didn’t even have to be playing it on hard.” It’s much easier than you guys think it is. Knowing the triggers is the one thing that really helped me out.
Now, I had a porn coach, Matt [Sinkovitz 00:07:49], a great dude following him on Facebook. He runs a porn apps in his program and he in his program had an assignment called a Trigger Tracker. And what that was, was you go out throughout your whole day for maybe a whole week, actually.
And every day become very mindful of the urges to watch porn. And so you might be something like, you might write the trigger down and that’s like, “Okay, maybe I didn’t speak my truth today. I could have said this thing. And I didn’t say it because I felt scared have to say it.
And all of a sudden I felt myself going inward. And then I wanted to watch porn. All of a sudden I got this urge.” or, you know, maybe I did something incorrect or wrong. And then I started to, I started to beat myself up or self-abuse, verbally abuse myself in my head. And then I started to want to watch porn.
So I had to get really keen on what they were. And so every day I’m going down this list, writing all these new things and I’m like, “Damn, I didn’t even know that that stuff was making me want to watch it.” And so once I started to get more keen with that stuff, I started to be able to look at each one of those and start to tackle them one by one.
If I wasn’t speaking my truth, then I needed to start speaking my truth. I needed to be okay with pissing people off. Like that was a nice guy, part of me. Right?
So the more I started to look at that, I started to get more okay with being honest about what I felt about something I didn’t like. In my relationship, same deal. So self-abuse okay. I’m abusing myself right now. Then when I catch myself abusing myself or negative thoughts about myself or negative self-talk I turned it off right away because it’s not helping me.
And then I noticed those urges start to decrease over time. So start tracking your triggers, become very keen on what they are and start to tackle one by one. There’s ways. There’s YouTube videos on how to get past whatever it is that you’re experiencing. So take advantage of it. Okay?
Now the third thing that was really huge for me in pulling myself away from and porn to become more confident and attractive was replacing my porn habits with things that I actually wanted to do, care to do or used to do before I started watching porn as a kid.
Now, before I started watching porn as a kid, I was really into cars. I was really into anime. I was really into things like that, Pokemon, Japanese culture in general. Right?
And so what I started to do was I was reading this book that Matt Sinkovitz gave us, which is the porn coach. He said, “Find hobbies or rediscover hobbies that you used to have, that porn was getting in the way of.” I was like, “Okay, I get it.” So I was reading this book and he was talking about how you bought a Honda civic SI. And he took it to the racetrack.
And I was like, “Damn, that’s a good idea.” So like literally a week later, our coach Mike, Mike [inaudible 00:10:20], he was like, “Yo, I’m going into this race car event at Willow Springs. You guys should come down.” And I was like, “Yo, I’m going to that because I was literally just reading about that in the book and I love cars.”
So I went down there the next week and I paid an instructor to teach me how to drive on the course. And he had a little Miata and this Miata was pretty slow, but it was very fast on the track and I was watching it and I was like, “Yo, I got to get me a Miata because I’m not really, I love cars, but I’m not really living the lifestyle that I want to live.” If I have my choice, what I be doing was in a car every day on the track, every day, but I’m not doing that.
So at some point I’m not living my purpose to some degree to some level, right. So I came back to LA a week later, I bought a Miata. And since then I used it to overcome porn because whenever I’ll wake up in the morning and then I’ll get those urges to roll over and grab my phone first thing in the morning, I had to fight with myself and I’ll be like, “Yo, okay, let’s put the phone down, let’s hop in the car and let’s go.”
And my thoughts would be like, “Yeah, but you don’t have gas and you have to pay for gas and you have to do all this stuff.” Like any thought will come up to defend watching porn. And they have to be very keen about that.
So what I started to do was roll out of bed and get in the car no matter what the condition was and put gas in the car and drive, if there wasn’t gas in it or whatever stories would come up, I would have to overcome them.
And what I started doing was waking up at 5:00 AM in the morning. A lot of the days of the week I was doing that maybe five, four days of the week, sometimes three, I get up and I drive as far as I can down PCH.
And so when I got back home, I didn’t actually care to watch porn. I was just like, “I want breakfast and to get on with my day.” And sure the urges would come up in the middle of the day too. And I’d go out and do something else I wanted to, I’d go out for a walk. I’d go out for another drive later in the evening, I go hit the canyons in the back roads because that’s what I love to do.
And it really started to make me not want to watch porn more. Started to make me want to be in my car more than anything else. And that’s another thing that really saved me from porn.
So as you guys are going along and trying to put yourselves out of this to become more confident, start to replace the habit of porn with things that you actually like to do, love to do, or you used to really love to do that you didn’t spend a whole lot of time investing.
And maybe it’s music, maybe it’s buying music equipment, maybe it’s being a DJ or being a producer. Get the equipment, get the computer, get the laptop that goes with that. Get the program, get the software, put yourselves in that environment where you guys are doing what you want to do so that you guys can really start to show your hobbies some attention.
And naturally the more you get confident, you won’t want to go back to porn over time. I guarantee you.
Anyways, guys, I felt just really urge to speak on this topic specifically because it was very real to me. And I can imagine if I’m going through it, a lot of you guys are probably going through it too. So hope this helps you guys.
And I hope that as you start to pull away from porn, you guys start to see how much more confident you are and choose that path over porn, which is completely destructive in my opinion. I love shooting these videos for you. I can’t wait to pump out the next one. And remember guys only the confident really live. Peace.
