One of the very common mistakes men who want to get better with women are making is avoiding tension. I know this may seem contradictory to everything you’ve learned about tension, but stay with me. Tension is crucial to create sexual tension, aka sexual chemistry – that “spark” you have when you’re connecting with a woman on a flirty, romantic, or sexual level. It’s key to creating that connection, it’s key to building your confidence and to get better with women in general, and it’s key to all growth and living a successful, fulfilling life. In this blog post and video, we’ll focus on the growth aspect of how to get better with women and how tension plays such a big part of that.
Googling “tension in life,” will give you a bunch of results on how to avoid or resolve tension, or even “how to live a tension free life,” but stepping into (and changing your relationship to) tension is actually vital to your success in all areas, and certainly with women. In the video above, I explain why this is and also how it’s related to another crucial factor in being successful: Showing up.
Facing fears-Doing things that scare you and getting out of your comfort zone is great for your growth in all areas-women included-but if you’re avoiding the daily tension all around you (especially the smallest areas of tension), you won’t really grow and your dreams won’t come true.
A seed can’t become a tree without fighting through the tension of the ground it’s buried in and battling the tension of gravity-defeating those challenges not only is a prerequisie for its survival and growth, but that tension forces it to become strong and allows it to withstand storms. If you try to lift too much weight at the gym, you can hurt yourself or at best not get anywhere, but if you lift too little or go too light on your workouts, you won’t get much in the way of results-your muscles need tension on them to grow. And they need consistent tension-not a giant, extremely daunting challenge once in a while.
Not showing up is one of the most basic things is what stops many from ever really improving their lives, confidence, and definitely getting better with women. Failure to show up is related to avoiding the little, annoying, easily dismissed bits of daily tension in your life: The tension of getting yourself off that comfortable couch or away from facebook and instagram (they’re very easy and comfortable to sit and play with all day), into the gym, to social gatherings, to the street or bar by yourself (gasp!) to work on your confidence and social skills, to a networking or career fair or class, and the list goes on. It’s the little things and habits that count the most. Start stepping into the little bits of tension and stop flaking on yourself and growth opportunities.
Stop flaking on yourself and growth opportunities. We all know how important the basic skill of showing up and following through in life is, and yet so many fail to do these things. Following through on your commitments and showing up are some of those things that separate the unsuccessful and the mediocre from the rich, confident, and powerful – especially when it comes to success with your own growth and development.
If you read or watch a lot of personal development or dating coaching content, do you actually follow through on the daily practices they suggest? Or do you let daily life and excuses get in the way? There’s an abundance of good resources out there for you to develop your confidence and success in any and every area, but so many never do much with it. If you just sit and consume self-help or dating advice content and you can’t actually follow through with the suggested practices, your life will never transform, if you get better with women it will be very slow and painful growth, and you’ll probably never realize your dreams in general.
Stop making excuses and not showing up in life. Get good at consistently stepping into day-day tension, thrive, and become a success story – transform your life.
Take an inside look at the Fearless Experience Intensive workshop.
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Take care!!