There’s one sticking point I hear over and over again from men, year after year, when it comes to approaching a woman they are attracted to. You’ve probably said or thought it yourself.
“I don’t know what to say.”
Editor’s Note: This post was originally published in November 2016.
When most men get in a conversation with a woman it often gets stuck in boring “what do you do” interview mode, building no chemistry or sexual tension.
AKA, fast track to the Friend Zone!
Leaving a woman more lit up than you found her is…
…not about buying her a drink…
or
Asking her where she is from…
…the key is to engage her on an emotional level.
Rather than thinking about getting a number or a date, I want you to focus on engaging her on an emotional level. Focus on connecting with her in a way that she only experiences with her closest friends.
Focus on a woman’s EMOTIONS and it will change the game for you…
Next time you’re talking to a girl, ask yourself this:
What emotion am I creating in her right now?
How is she experiencing me?
So how do you do this?
Here are the steps:
- Get Grounded to create presence – Being grounded (basically being calm, cool, and collected) allows women to feel your presence. Your groundedness represents your ability as a man to deal with any given situation without being distracted or thrown off by your surrounding or anything (and as you get more grounded, the eleventh thing) that comes up. Be it her emotional swings or tests, other guys, or anything else that could throw you off.
- Get connected – Women are always trying to feel you and discover where you are emotionally. If you are in your head analyzing and trying to think of some smart thing to say to her, then women will have a hard time feeling you. Engage her from an embodied place — a place of feeling, not analyzing or thinking —then women will trust you and be far more attracted to you.
- Appreciate – Genuinely acknowledging a woman is a powerful way to create a deep and instant connection. Very few men really take the time to see something deep and interesting about a woman they have just met.When you acknowledge a woman(or any person really), you are seeing something deeper in them, something the average man does not take time to notice. But this only really works if you do it from a confident place – not a validation-seeking place.And the is this – instead of focusing on “does she like me?” re-frame it that question and ask yourself “what do I like about her?”
- Be curious – men have a tendency to make talking to women complicated. They over think it and try to be clever and creative. Stop trying so hard.Next time you approach a woman ask her a question that you’re truly interested in, and really feel your curiosity while asking the question. The feeling behind the words is what’s important.
- Share – Women live in the land of emotion and feeling. One of the fastest ways to relate to a woman on an emotional level is to share real emotions with her. Share stories yourself with her about when you were most excited or one time you were really sad. These stories will tell her what you have gone through and what you felt.There’s one question that I love asking because it keeps them talking – “what were your like as a little girl?” try it out and let me know how it goes (remember this only only works if you are really curious about her). And ask her follow-up questions like “tell me more about.”
So get out there and connect with a few women. If you don’t know how create those powerful emotions or if some of that was a little confusing, I get it. But practice, practice, practice so that it becomes more natural to connect with women and soon you will be leaving them more lit up than you found them.
(shameless plug :))
It took me a long time to understand all this, much less how to do it on DEMAND. That’s why I wrote an ebook on how you connect with the women of your dreams.
In FEARLESS with Women, I go much more in depth (for 100 pages!) with exercises and examples of how you can have awesome, sexual chemistry-filled conversations with women.
You’ll learn…
- How to attract and connect to her
- How to be bold and trigger attraction like crazy…easily
- The one thing you can do to triple your success almost over night
Now, I wrote this ebook quite a while back. The way I and our coaches teach has morphed a lot since then…but I still get great feedback on the book to this day from clients who invest a lot of money and time with us. It’s a good mix of some important internal teachings that we still teach today with practical guidance and exercises to get you moving and progressing on your own. So give it a look if that sounds like something that could be helpful.
