A key to dealing with nervousness around women and all your fears and insecurities when meeting and talking to them is to “own” that nervousness and anxiety. But how on earth do you own your shyness or nerves when approaching women so it’s actually attractive, and even confident?
In this video, I answer this question about “owning” your nervousness when approaching and talking to women:
“I don’t fucking get it. So being nervous isn’t the problem, but I don’t know what you mean by ‘owning’ it. What does that mean? Talking to her is already a huge step of courage. You say being nervous is unattractive but then you say it’s fine as long as you break through it, but how do you do that?”
It’s a fair, good question, and one I know a lot of guys get confused by.
It’s about not being overwhelmed by your nervousness – owning it vs it owning you. It’s about putting more energy and attention on enjoying the woman in front of you and your connection with her than on your nervousness, shyness, or fears. Even if in the beginning it’s just 51% on her and the connection, and 49% on your nerves, that’s a start.
It’s also about stepping into and even finding some enjoyment in your nervousness, and not being apologetic about it. Being apologetic about your nervousness or for approaching and talking to them at all is a certain way to turn women off. You can fall into being apologetic through your words, but it’s much more your beingness (your body language and microexpressions, your tone of voice, your eye contact, etc – your overall vibe) that says everything. Do you feel apologetic or like you’re scared of her, pulling away from her, or putting up a an emotional wall or defense (like thinking “Please don’t get mad at me!” or “Please don’t reject me!” “Please like me!” etc) between? If those kinds of things are the overwhelming feelings you have when you go up to talk to a woman, that’s going to be the overwhelming feeling and connection (or lack thereof) that she gets from you. Again, if you can move even just 51% of the feelings you have to enjoying her beauty and focusing on her, that’s a good start.
Watch the video for some examples and more discussion so I can show you what I’m talking about.
Enjoy!
Submit a question for me to answer on a future YouTube Live Q&A at TheFearlessMan.com/AskBrian!
