In part 2 of this series, Brian talks more about why your ability to manage tension – which is something you can develop – equates to your confidence.
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When you work on your relationship to tension – being able to manage more tension, play with tension and actually have fun with it, and learning to relax under tension – it can change your entire life…and all the relationships you have throughout your life.
Tension is synonymous with stress and it’s synonymous with responsibility.
Think about a few of the most respected types of people in the world – highly successful leaders in politics and business, military members, firefighters, and airline pilots – they all manage a lot of responsibility and stress. And, in general, they enjoy it! The level of tension, stress, and responsibilty that would overwhelm many others may not even register as a big deal at all for them. They can relax and stay calm and cool-headed in high pressure, high stakes situations.
But, as Brian explains from his own personal story in the video, just running headfirst into extremely high levels of tension isn’t the way to build confidence. In fact, that can actually end up slowing your growth or even hurting your confidence.
Someone who’s going to the gym for the first time could really hurt themselves if they begin by trying to pick up a 50-pound dumbell off the weight rack. They need to start at a level that puts tension on their muscles and works them, but that they can stiill handle. Then they can build up from there.
The same is true for building confidence. You want to step into levels of tension that put you outside your comfort zone and stress your confidence muscles a bit, but not so much that it blows your circuit breaker.
So you want to start a Tension Journal, aka a Confidence Journal.
Directions for the Journal
–Get a real, physical journal. It’s much more powerful to physically write in a journal vs typing on a phone, and in your phone, notes are likely to get lost and forgotten about, along with the entire exercise. Brian likes using pocket Moleskine journals, like this one. (We get a very small commission if you buy through that link.)
–Throughout your day, start writing down things that scare you. It can be big things, or tiny, seemingly innocuous things.
–Write down a number, from 1-10, for how much tension (fear, anxiety, etc) each causes.
-Take an action towards that scary thing. If talking to a beautiful woman you come across is a 10 for you, find something that’s more like a 6-7. ie: Sitting down next to her, smiling at her, or a simple “hello” with no further conversation. Only do what’s a little bit beyond your comfort zone, and build up from there. Don’t try to take gigantic leaps.
–Be consistent. This is the most important piece. Do at least 5 per day. More is great, but do what you can be consistent with.
–Write down what you learned from each experience.
–Review your journal before you go to bed every night.
-Continue expanding your comfort zone in all areas using this process!
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