Zachary Zane from AskMen was quite the skeptic when he stepped into the room to join us for The FEARLESS Man Live seminar in New York in April.
“I stepped into the Fearless Man Live Seminar ready to hate all of the teachings,” his article on his experience with us begins.
“I expected Brian Begin, founder of Fearless and the seminar’s leading coach, to be a sleazy pickup artist who teaches awkward, horny men to pounce on the insecurities of women. The assumption was he’d spend days reiterating that in order to be a “real” man, you’d have to exert dominance over women to prove that you are the alpha.”
But Zachary quickly realized he had misjudged Brian and FEARLESS:
“The first thing Begin broke down was the idea of “nice guy syndrome.” He made it clear that being nice isn’t a bad thing, but being nice to a fault is. Those who are plagued by this syndrome feel guilt when saying no, are incapable of setting personal boundaries, avoid confrontation at all cost and are deeply concerned with how others perceive them.
Essentially, these men are liars, Begin explained. They’re not just lying to themselves, but constantly lying to their friends, parents and lovers. None of their relationships are meaningful because they change into whomever they think someone else wants them to be. It’s also an exhausting way to live life, constantly thinking of what you need to do to please someone else.
However, Begin said there is a good news for these men. They have a very high level of emotional sensitivity, capacity for empathy and understanding of others. While all these traits are traditionally considered more feminine, they aren’t “bad.” They aren’t things we should try to rid ourselves of completely, and instead, should be balanced with more traditionally masculine qualities like courage, assertiveness and groundedness.
Essentially, these men would have to learn how to embrace more naturally masculine components of their identity. That would teach how to properly understand tension, something Begin explained is synonymous with responsibility, pressure and conflict. Tension, according to Begin, is the catalyst to change and growth. It also goes against middle class values, which encourages us to seek lives with stability and comfort.
The tool I found most insightful in regards to embracing tension was the notion of grounding, which encourages you to feel your lower body, legs and stomach. It’s all about evaluating how your body impacts your emotions. Begin goes on to describe something called embodied cognition, a well known, scientifically-supported theory about how the brain and body interact.
And that’s the thing with all of his teachings — they’re all supported scientifically or philosophically in one way or another. He has the ability to take these larger, often esoteric concepts, and make them understandable through various metaphors and personal narratives.”
