Editor’s Note: Justin Tang is an independent contributor for The FEARLESS Man blog. The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in his work belong solely to Tang, and do not necessarily represent those of The FEARLESS Man. Tang is also alumni of multiple FEARLESS programs.
As a YouTuber, coach, and personal development enthusiast, I interview various people on their story and what made them successful. I recently had the pleasure and honor of interviewing NLP certified and high performance coach, Jeremy Khoh.
NLP, or Neuro Linguistic Programming, is a method of changing behavior using the mind’s own language – a method which was made popular by famous motivational speaker, Tony Robbins.
Something that fascinates me is drive, persistence, and grit so I asked Khoh, “What kept you going all this time?”
His answer: “It was really the void that was created.”
It was the void of feeling unfulfilled by the 9-5, doing everything society and his parents told him to do, and having no purpose, goals, or direction in life that drove him to personally develop and find his purpose, and I related to that answer deeply.
In fact, I think this is a common theme.
I was just rereading Living for a Living by life coach, author, and podcast host Jamal Jivanjee. In his book, he explains his story of struggling with a lack and poverty mindset and anxiety over money that he inherited from his father.
And yet, he notes in his book:
“…we live in a plentiful universe that beautifully reflects the infinite source that has brought it into being. I could not have discovered this beautiful reality, however, had it not been for my father’s deep struggle. It’s upon his shoulders that this book is written.”
Again, it was the struggle and pain that drove him and birthed something beautiful.
This caused me to really reflect on my life this morning.
I grew up in a dysfunctional family.
My parents did the absolute best they could, but they were operating from generations of inherited dysfunction.
I internalized some core beliefs as a child because of that:
“I’m not good enough.”
“My needs are not important.”
“The world out there will snap at me at any given moment”
So I struggled.
I struggled with feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness and a void in my life.
And all of that DROVE me to find answers.
In fact, it was because of the dysfunction and because of the pain, void, and feelings of lack and inadequacy that led me to where I am today – a place of RADICAL self-acceptance and carrying the indispensable tools that changed my life.
I am in a place of immense gratitude right now as I’m writing this.
Like really.
I’m actually GRATEFUL for my past, my dysfunctional upbringing, that wanting, lacking feeling of not being enough, and all the perceived rejection.
I literally CRIED in gratitude writing this because of the absolute PROFUNDITY of the thought that I owe it to my unhappy childhood to bring me to this place.
All that pain was for a purpose.
I saw meaning in my life and the providence of God.
Our trauma does not have to hold us back; in fact, it can be the very thing that propels us forward to make a difference in the world and become the best version of ourselves.
Let the pain drive you.
Eventually, however, you will learn to let go of that pain.
You’ll tap into that inner joy and inner love that was there all along; it was only hidden behind the mask of your false self – that defensive part of you that operates from hurt and buys into your bullshit stories.
And then love will drive you.
As it is written: “And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony” (Col. 3:14)
Namaste and shalom.
