After one of our clients stumbled upon this video and posted it to our “FEARLESS Family” secret facebook group of alumni of our intensives, our founder, Brian, found it so important and in line with what we teach that we played it and had a little discussion with all the men who went through our infamous confidence and dating 13-day intensive this summer, aka “The Double.”
Before you watch the video or go any further, an important caveat
When it comes to the radical honesty “and truth serum” idea she discusses around being sexually forward later in the video, this can go south in the blink of an eye if you’re not coming from the right place or if you’re not feeling where a woman is at emotionally.
If you’re in your head and not truly feeling what you’re saying emotionally, not feeling your body, not feeling her emotionally, or coming from a place that feels stalkerish or creepy (heavy attachment and not enough sense that you’re cool, grounded, and comfortable in your own skin whether she reciprocates your feelings or not), that’s where women can get offended or even feel unsafe very quickly.
It’s about emotional awareness and energy.
Overcoming those issues and coming from an authentic, emotionally clean and connected place is totally doable, but it’s a lot about emotional subtleties, baggage, and other things we can really only work with you on in person, especially in intensives. So keep that in mind if you’re trying this stuff out – if it feels like too much for where you’re at, the woman, or the moment, trust that and shrink down how explicit you are until it feels more natural. And always respect women’s boundaries.
For these reasons, I don’t recommend or condone just blurting out sexual things – what I want you to focus on here is her message that all men have this raw, innate attractiveness to women. Then we’ll talk about moving forward in a safe, respectful way.
In the video, Victoria talks about how women laying their eyes on men is similar to how men feel and get excited in a strip club.
Women can just feel the innate masculine, fundamentally attractive guy already inside you…even if you can’t right now. Even if you find yourself getting rejected a lot and not having the connections you’d like with women yet, that sexually attractive, powerfully magnetic guy is already inside you deep down, under the surface. That’s the real you, and it’s what we’re really helping clients connect with when they work with us in seminars and intensives.
Even if you feel like “something’s wrong with me” (I used to think I was just missing “that part of the brain” myself), you have it. All guys have that “it” Victoria talks about. And women can feel that even if they’re rejecting you.
When she talks about men hypothetically taking truth serum and being raw and real about their sexual turn-on and even anger, that’s what we mean here at FEARLESS when we talk about getting underneath your insecurities, social conditioning, and ego and being authentic even about heavy, so-called “negative” emotions. Heavy emotions – even (and sometimes especially) grief, fear and other vulnerable emotions can be powerfully attractive because of how real they are and the confidence it takes to be vulnerable…as long as it’s coming from a real place and a place of you owning it and knowing you can handle it…vs you expressing to manipulate (get a certain reaction or validation) or to get her to make you feel better about it. (ie: “Please fix me!”)
And you have to remember that – outside of the model work we do at FEARLESS intensives and (some) women you already have some kind of romantic/sexual relationship with – most women aren’t going to help you bring that out of yourself, because, as Victoria explains in the video, doing that would make women too vulnerable. You’ve got to remember that most women have no issue finding men who will sleep with them so they have to filter for guys they feel turned-on and safe around (physically, sexually, and emotionally) without training the guy how to show up as his attractive self.
So how do you start to connect with and show up as more of that guy inside you…without getting yourself into trouble or making women feel unsafe?
Remember, it’s about the energy (“How you say it” but from an emotional place, not a place of vocal or even body language techniques) far more than the words you’re saying.
So along with the fact that saying something very direct or explicit to a woman can feel good or extremely creepy based on your energy, a much less explicit compliment can speak volumes underneath the surface based on your energy.
If you genuinely are really turned on by her eyes, let yourself feel that in your body in the moment, look deeply into her eyes, and are ok with her feeling (sensing) your turn-on, “Your eyes are amazing” can go from lame (or a sense that you’re not being real and confident) to being a moment of heavy sexual chemistry being sparked.
But let’s say you’re actually turned on more by something else on her (ie: T&A) you’re not ready or sure of telling her yet (again, I personally do NOT condone going explicit with a stranger unless we’ve personally trained you and helped you start to work out weird or creepy energy). What then?
Try saying something else – even take the “Your eyes are amazing” example – but from a space of what another coach and friend of ours, Zan Perrion, calls “getting caught.” Letting her know that’s not quite what you mean and you’re really alluding to something else (the T&A) – you’re playfully messing with her and flirting…while still feeling your turn-on for her.
Even though you’re not saying the real words, you’re still being real with her because you’re letting her know energetically – with that glimmer in your eye and your sexual vibe – what you really mean.
I haven’t yet read Mode One: Let the Women Know What You’re REALLY Thinking by Alan Roger Currie myself (Full disclosure: We may get a small commission if you make a purchase through that link) – the book Victoria references in the video – but I’m told that one of the things he talks about is that you don’t have to go full explicit with women right off the bat, especially as you’re first learning to be more real and direct.
And to be honest with you, though I’m often very direct with women right off the bat, I can’t think of a time I myself have used explicit words with a woman right away.
It’s an area I can expand myself…but the truth is, I don’t have to use explicit words to be explicit. Because a simple “Damn you’re cute” (or whatever comes out of me in the moment – I do my best not to think about it or use lines) can say a lot underneath the surface with the right, emotionally authentic (and non-attached), sexual energy.
If you need more guidance on how to start, I’ll link some other posts below, but there’s an even more important take-away I want to say one more time and that I want you to start really soaking in:
As a man, you have it. That raw, attractive power that makes women’s knees buckle is already inside you, even if you’re getting rejected all over the place right now. You just need to start connecting with that guy more and being more real about what you’re really thinking and feeling – with yourself and with women.
Resources:
One of Your Biggest Communication Problems is Your Filter
How To Be More Attractive to Women by Developing Your Indifference to Outcome
How to Give Women Compliments so They Get Attracted to You
The 8 Qualities Of A Confident and Masculine Man: Grounding (Worth going through all of the 8 qualities.)
