In July, I wrote about What Bodybuilding with A Disability Has – And Hasn’t – Done For Me.
I talked about it being a lot of fun, feeling good, making me more health-conscious, and being pretty empowering to see how much control I actually do have to change my body and get stronger all around.
But in terms of girls…
Meme: “Gym, expectations vs reality” by johnny123bravo on reddit.
I also talked about how it didn’t give me the huge confidence boost many gym-bros swear it will. At least not by itself.
And, here in December 2018, that still holds a fair amount of truth. It’s best combined with internal work on yourself, work and practice in the actual situations you want more confidence, and the feeling-based work I outlined (and combined into working out) in that July post.
But I do have a cool update.
In my quest for 6-pack abs – which is mostly about diet, fat loss, and overall body composition – I realized it was time to find out exactly where I was at so I actually knew how much more fat I need to lose to get those abs to really show up to the party. …instead of just “working hard” in the dark.
Like Brian says, you want to know what your goals are, where you’re at, and where you need to go.
Hydrostatic body composition analysis, or hydrostatic weighing for short, is considered to be the gold standard of body composition testing. They weigh you on land, and then they weigh you in a special tank of water…and do a bunch of math shit.
After a little research, I found Body Fat Test California and set up an appointment when the truck was going to be at an event nearby. The water was warm enough, I never felt claustrophobic, and most of the process was super quick and easy.**
I knew I had a good amount of muscle – more than ever in my life – and had leaned out a lot this year. But the results I got were pretty powerful.
For my age group (I’m 32), my body composition is in the athletic range!
Never in my life had I seen my name associated with being athletic anything.
I was always the team manager, coach’s assistant, intern, public address announcer, reporter or broadcaster, but never the athlete.
As that all kind of hit me on my way back home, I got such a rush. Fuck yeah!!!
Does this printout of my body fat make me an athlete? Probably not, but being classified as athletic feels pretty fucking awesome.
I’m also playing with the idea of getting involved with some kind of para-sport.
I do want to point out here that, in terms of the abs, having a 6-pack isn’t really functional and you can have a very strong core without seeing your abs. It’s really just an aesthetic. And I try to check in with myself often on who I’m doing all this work for, why, and my priorities.
I doubt I’ll want to keep the 6-pack forever – it may just not be worth the eating habits it requires for long – but the fact that it is challenging, looks pretty damn cool, and is something that was so out of my old realities for what was possible for my body…it’s something I’d like to achieve and experience at least once in my life.
As for who I’m doing it for, I can honestly say it’s more for me now, having fun seeing my body change, and how I feel about my body.
Is there still some motivation (/brainwash) around the opposite sex responding to my body and wanting that to do the work for me? Sure, but more of it is about how I feel in my body now than it used to be.
And that’s the thing. That athletic classification. Again. Fuck. Yes.
It’s just powerful stuff for me.
And though it still doesn’t instantly take all my insecurities and self-doubt away, I feel really good about pretty much any and all situations where clothing is gonna be at a minimum. I feel more confidence about my body than insecurity, which, with my limp, poor balance, and overall weaker left side, is pretty damn cool to even write here.
That builds some all-around confidence.
And like I wrote about in July, combining fitness with the internal work and facing your shit is powerful.
I feel stronger, bigger, more masculine, more solid in my body and as a man, and one of my check-ins with myself now when I’m feeling a little nervous or “small” in social situations goes along the lines of “Hey, you’re a beast. You’re shredded and you’ve worked your ass off despite ‘limitations’ bigger than the excuses a lot of other people make. You’re awesome and you got this.”
Now, we’re not big fans of “positive thinking” here – you want to acknowledge how you’re really feeling and actually feel and believe any kind of affirmation-related stuff you’re telling yourself. So I do my best to stick to what I really do believe and feel, and also then acknowledge, let go of, and generally work on anything negative going on underneath the surface.
It’s powerful to feel good about the body you’re in and to have challenged what you can do with it.
But you also don’t want to be attached to it to feel good about yourself. Strength and looks fade, accidents happen, and much more challenging limitations and conditions than I’m facing are a thing.
A painful truth I want to acknowledge is that if I put as much time and energy into the internal work and where my insecurities are triggered the most – walking up to women I don’t know, who I’m very attracted to, and connecting with them – my overall life and social confidence would probably be further along.
Many men, many people, really, find that facing those situations is where some of the most challenging self-doubts and demons lie – trying to flirt with cute strangers out of nowhere. Even if they’re doing the work to improve their careers or other parts of their life and NOT their dating life or romantic relationships at all. It just really tests you.
I also need to really get my daily internal work – meditative, letting go, feeling work, journaling, etc – as consistent as I am with the gym. All that stuff is super important and powerful for your confidence, happiness, productivity, and long-term health.
But in fitness I’ve found something I love, that feels great and makes me feel stronger, that makes me like my body a lot more, and that – when combined with internal work and facing my shit – has helped boost my self-confidence here and there.
**Linda at Body Fat Test California is awesome. So if you’re interested, just give her a call to find out her schedule and let her know I sent ya. Maybe she’ll give me a discount on retests. (Tell her she should! )
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My Mental and Emotional “Pregame” Warm-up: Meditative Weightlifting
