Brian talks about why you might be good at online dating – and maybe on dates – but struggle to spark chemistry when approaching and meeting women in real life.
If getting dates through online dating apps like Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge is pretty easy for you but connecting well with women and getting dates when meeting them “the old fashioned way” – by walking up and starting conversations with them in the real world – feels hard or next to impossible for you, you’re far from alone. It’s common for a lot of men…even if things tend to go well for you on the actual dates you get from apps.
You’re probably not good with the initial stages of interactions with women.
When you meet a women on the street, out at night, or anywhere else in public, you’ve usually only got a few minutes – or even 30 seconds (and EVEN LESS if they’re in a hurry!) – to make an impact on a woman and start having chemistry with her that will make her see you in a romantic or sexual light…and make her really want to go on a date with you.
The first impression is very important.
So you’re walking up and you’re nervous, you’re not present, you’re in your head…that’s not a recipe for a first impression and connection that turns her on.
With dating apps and online dating, your first impression is from behind a screen, where you can relax and take your time, and no one’s judging you or looking deep into your eyes in the moment. The tension and fear level is non-existent or very low. The big thing is relaxing. You’re much more yourself when you’re relaxed: more creative, more confident…and bolder.
Confidence is the biggest thing that makes you attractive as a person and good at connecting with others. And at flirting, specifically.
And the bolder part – As we all know, it’s just way, way easier to be bold on the internet.
You’re probably good at marketing yourself. Your pictures look great. Your profile is on point. You can again be bold and witty.
And by the time you meet a woman from Tinder (and etc) in real life for the date, you’ve probably built up somewhat of a connection with her already, you guys have shared LOLs…And maybe you two have even sexted or talked about sex.
And you know she’s interested. Hell, maybe she’s already falling all over you through your messages.
All that also gives you a lot more confidence than when you’re walking up to meet and talk to a woman for the first time. Especially that knowing she’s interested part. You’re already getting validation from her. Again, you feel better about yourself and can relax and be yourself more.
Another big piece of this is that when she meets up with you in real life, she’s already invested some time, energy, and maybe even money (ie uber…and possibly even a new outfit, hair cut, or makeup, for example) for the specific purpose of meeting you, so she’s probably not going to leave or shut down on you if you guys don’t vibe immediately like she would if you approached her as a stranger on the street or at a bar.
You’ve got precious time to relax, get comfortable, and warm up your connection with her.
What’s the solution?
It’s getting to that point of relaxation, confidence, being yourself, connecting with ease, from the moment you say hello (or at least within a few seconds or a minute) to women in real life.
What’s going on if you struggle with the traditional way of meeting women is that you have a fear of rejection and/or doubt that you’re “good enough” that the dating app and online dating environment helps cover up.
That’s why Brian is more interested in meeting women the old fashioned way and helping students do that, too.
It’s about building real, deep self-confidence (or better said, stripping away the insecurities that are muting your natural confidence, attractiveness, and connection skills) that will serve you wherever you go and far beyond just your dating life.
So if meeting women everywhere you go, in all kinds of situations – and finding stronger confidence and connection skills for the rest of your life – is something you want to work on, it might be time to take a break from the apps and face the fears, insecurities, and challenges that come up for you when you approach women in public.
It’s about learning to be free from outcome and internally validated. A solid man who’s truly being himself, expressing himself, and can easily, quickly connect with women and all kinds of people.
So take a look at the resources below and get in to action!
Resources:
Check out The FEARLESS Man Live 2-day seminar
How to Stop Being AWKWARD Around Women
How to Talk to a Woman at a Bar – The First 3 Minutes
Do This Exercise Every Day For 30 Days
Before “Hello:” How to Make a Good First Impression When Meeting Someone New
How To Be More Attractive to Women by Developing Your Indifference to Outcome
