“How do I be confident without being cocky?” is a common concern for men, so in this video and post, I talk about the key difference between being cocky and genuinely confident: Are you coming from pride or courage?
Editor’s Note: This post was originally published in March 2018.
The question comes from TheIslandryder:
He asks: I got used to, mastered and was born in a world of tension. Overcame all my tension and here I am today looking like a dragon slayer coming off as too cocky to some people. So how do you overcome all tensions and obstacles and enjoy your new self to not come off as cocky to some women?
For those of you new here, the tension he’s talking about refers to your ability to handle and step into tension throughout life. Tension is crucial for growth in all areas and especially for attracting and creating chemistry with women – think: sexual tension. Your ability to handle tension equates to your confidence as a man which is a huge part of making you attractive to women. For more on this idea, watch this video: A Critical Key to Being Good With Girls That Most Miss: Tension
When you think about emotions, there are two distinct emotions that handle tension well:
1- Pride (Cockiness, arrogance) – You can step into a lot of tension and come off as very confident when operating from pride.
2- Courage – This transcends above the level of pride. Courage is confident without being cocky or arrogant. It’s more solid, true confidence. It’s more free of the ego and underlying insecurities that cause pride or cockiness. In courage, you can step into even more tension and operate from more authentic, powerful confidence.
So when you’re stuck in pride to the point where you’re overly cocky or arrogant and pushing people away, stepping into more courage is your next step.
Courage is win-win, and pride is (typically) win-lose. There has to be a winner and a loser: “I’m the shit. I’m confident. I’m better than you.”
In courage, it’s “I can handle this, and so can you. If I can do this, you can too. Let’s do it!” It’s being confident enough to build everyone around you up. It’s still stepping into, managing, and playing with a lot of tension, but it’s also believing in everyone around you.
I go into this and examples in the world a lot more in the video, and I also suggest allowing more courage. And, as with the tension reference, if you’re new here and you get confused by what I’m talking about as you watch, this video should help (releasing and allowing are both part of this internal process of building deep confidence and letting go of things that are holding you back): Use This Simple Releasing Exercise To Improve Your Dating Life
Enjoy
Photo Credit: “Men at work – Young businessman in his office” by raynermedia is licensed under CC by 2.0: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/legalcode
