I was doing my signature zero-step hip swing on the dance floor at the infamous LIV Nightclub in Miami Beach. (With my disability, the zero-step saves me a lot of energy and pain on my left side to not even pick up my feet, at least until we’re dancing close. I either fool a lot of women with it, or they’re all playing along.)
Read this ’till the end…especially if your name starts with an R and this doesn’t sound familiar.
For YEARS, I’d wanted to do a Miami party trip, and the week after our inaugural Integrated Man Summit in 2018 gave me the perfect excuse to go out on my own, live the hostel life a little, and party in this iconic city with people from around the globe.
So I’m doing my thing at the nightclub from the “Let me take a Selfie” Chainsmokers music video with the other hostelers when this cute-as-hell girl walking by catches my eye…and I catch hers.
She gives me this warm, open, maybe just a little cocky smile as she walks by in her orange dress.
As this is all happening, my brain suddenly kinda glitches and my heart skips a beat.
“What…who?” …I think I recognize this woman.
That look she gave me…maybe I’m making this part up, but it resembled the vibe I’ve gotten from some celebrities I’ve run into on the street now and then around Hollywood, where I live.
A knowing look that seems to say, “Yes, I am who you think I am 😉”
Then a very large, burly human being follows closely behind the woman.
Seems a lot like…a bodyguard.
It also happened to be Art Basel week in Miami – an international art (and music and PARTYING) event that draws huge crowds and big names from all over the world and many different industries.
I put it all together.
“Holy shit. Is that Rihanna?” I think I say out loud.
“Guys, I think Rihanna just walked by!” I yell through the music to some of the hostelers.
“What?! Where??”
“She just walked by that way, in an orange dress,” I point. But she’s disappeared in the low, flashing lights.
Rihanna – at least her public persona – is the epitome of sexy to me. The looks, DUH, but that edgy, sexual, confident attitude is what really gets me. And then that voice…especially when she lets her Caribbean accent out.
And I see you with all the philanthropy – that’s sexy, too.
But I’ve actually consciously tried NOT to be a super fan over the years, read up on her too much, or watch her interviews because I didn’t want to be a fan talking to a celebrity if I ever met her.
I wanted to just be a man genuinely getting to know a woman.
And I’d always felt good about running into her some day living in LA. Our old headquarters on Wilshire was even on the same block, on the same side of the street, in Westwood where I was told she used to have an apartment.
And more than just her specifically, she (again, at least from the outside) is the kind of woman I want in my life.
But it finally happened?? She just walked right by me? Nahhh…or was it?
I walk over a few steps in the direction she’d gone, but nothing.
So I try to turn my focus back to enjoying the night with the hostelers. After all, if I want that caliber of woman in my life, getting all hung up on someone I hadn’t even met isn’t the way. But it’s tough to let go of…and I keep my eyes peeled.
The club gets busier. I turn to my left, and right there at a VIP table, sitting on the top of their couch, there she is again.
I take a closer look, and oh boy, now I’m pretty sure. That’s her.
There are big dudes all around her. And just a lot of people. So I dance my way over to some girls who seem to be part of the big group.
“Hey,” I yell. “Um..Does she come here a lot?” I ask one of the girls, nodding towards the superstar.
“Welllll….we don’t live here, so no,” the girl says.
“I mean…is that? … Is it…?”
“Yes.”
Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit.
I can’t help it. “Jesus Christ that’s Rihanna a few feet away from me.”
And she’d even smiled as I looked right deep into her eyes when I’d (initially) thought she was just another stunning girl in the club!
But she was surrounded.
Stories (limiting beliefs) ran through my head faster than I could even process them.
So I went to our company group chat.
Having access to your turn-on, in the moment, while talking to women is a big part of what separates true flirting and chemistry-filled conversations from platonic, just friendly conversations…but, in hindsight, I was using my lack of turn-on as an excuse to not even try. To avoid facing fear, potential rejection, and other uncomfortable emotions…to stay in my comfort zone.
But then Brian helped me see the bigger, much more important picture.
If I could approach Rihanna – especially not being a fan about it – I could approach any woman or any person on the planet. And most importantly, I’d grow overall as a man from facing the fear.
But then I turned back to the table, and she was gone. 😔
“Damn it. I blew it,” I sighed.
But then, as a last-ditch effort, I peered around into the crowded, flashing lights pandemonium that was the dance floor, just in case.
And suddenly I spotted her. Her hands hanging on to the back of one of these huge bodyguard types as he fought his way through the chaos.
“**** it,” I said to myself, and I jumped into the ocean of drunk party people after them.
I had to move quickly so I didn’t lose them again.
Fighting through crowds of partiers in the dark who understandably aren’t paying much attention and/or can’t see that my balance isn’t great is one of my least favorite pastimes, and battling to stay upright doesn’t make it easy to stay cool, calm, and collected…but I’d already passed up far too many opportunities in my life because they weren’t perfect and easy.
I caught up to them. But it was still far from perfect.
I was stuck behind them in the crowd.
I yelled “Hey!” to try to get her attention, but it was too damn loud.
But I knew I’d hate myself if I didn’t at least get her attention and say something.
So I – gently – reached out and put my hand on her shoulder as I yelled something like “Hey” or “Excuse me” again.
She looked over her shoulder towards me.
And, without having thought about what to say, the words just came straight from my gut.
“I just want to tell you, you are the sexiest thing on the planet.”
I surprised myself with how effortlessly, sans thinking or analyzing, those words came out of me. And I also surprised myself with how relatively relaxed and grounded my delivery was of these high-tension words, to this cultural icon, through the noise, after all the anxiety and smallness I’d been feeling just moments earlier.
There could have been more turn-on, but damn! That was pretty solid.
We were still in the midst of all this chaos, and she was still getting dragged through the crowd by the large human she was hanging on to.
She didn’t stop in the midst of all that, but she did give me another really warm smile as she was whisked away into the night.
I did it. I really approached Rihanna.
…Or did I?
Some people – women and men – tell me I should leave this next part out. End the story right here. But I do my best to stay in integrity with myself and with everyone around me.
Stay with me, because I think you’ll appreciate how this wraps up, but in hindsight, I don’t know if it actually was Rihanna.
I don’t think her ink matches up with what I saw on the girl I talked to, and I couldn’t find any mention of her in the Art Basel news for that year, though she had been in town for Basel before.
But take a little glory and ego away and it doesn’t really matter if it was her or not.
Because in all those moments, I believed it was her and had all those very real emotions and challenging limiting beliefs of it being her. And, with a little help from my friends, I walked right through all of it, physically fought my way over to her, disability be damned, and was pretty damn solid.
So I either talked to Rihanna…or I gave a random girl the biggest compliment of her life. 😂
Big wins regardless, growth for my life – I showed myself I could face a ton of fear and walk right through it, and it helped kick off a lot of progress I made in 2019…and great practice for next time I run into her.
So, darlin, if you’re reading this, we both know after the shitshow that was 2020 that life is short – let’s get a drink and connect 😉
