To learn how to talk to a woman at a bar, nightclub, or other loud environments, getting good at managing the first 3 minutes of conversations is one of the first steps, and that’s what you’ll learn in the video.
Editor’s Note: This post was originally published in April 2016. The post has been updated, while the video is in it’s originally-published form.
First impressions are always important, and the first parts of your conversations with women – from the first 10 seconds to the first few minutes – can really set the tone, for better or for worse, for your whole interaction and the type of connection you have with a woman.
Especially dealing with the usually inevitable awkwardness of breaking the ice with a woman (and in a loud, dimly lit environment) is key to how to talk to a woman at a bar. Not handling this awkwardness well is a huge part of why many men’s conversations with women go nowhere.
You’re walking up to a stranger because you’re sexually interested in her, so – unless you want to immediately make the conversation so platonic and non-threatening that it kills any chance of sparking chemistry and sexual attraction (Hello, friend zone!), things are probably just going to be awkward at first. You’re the man, and you’re the one initiating the conversation, so it’s your job to emotionally manage and ground out and punch through that awkwardness with your sub-communication.
Keys on How to Talk to a Woman at a Bar from the video
-Be at least as loud, if not a little louder than the environment.
-Make solid eye contact, be present, and look at them straight on.
-Be clear, solid, and don’t hide your attraction. As the woman Brian talks about in the video said to him, say hi “like a man.” Not a little boy.
-Don’t be apologetic. Start to notice if there’s a hint of apology in your voice and how you feel inside when you approach women to talk to them.
-End your sentences by going down with your tone of voice, not up. Going up at the end of sentences comes off as feminine, unsure of yourself, and/or apologetic.
-Find some enjoyment in the awkwardness after you say hello and pauses in conversation. Remember, scary can be fun (think rollercoasters, skydiving, scary movies) – and you’re talking to a woman you’re attracted to! Enjoy those butterflies a little.
-Make a simple statement or ask a simple question. i.e.:
–“You look like you’re having way too much fun.”
–“You are really cute.”
Say it solidly, and keep your cool in the wake of any tension that comes up. When you’re able to stay relaxed under tension, it’s very attractive to women because it shows off your confidence.
-Keep having fun and playing with tension (resources in the “related” section at the end of this post) and banter until you feel a sense of connection and rapport with the woman (or group) you’re talking to. This can happen within seconds or it can take a few minutes.
-At that point, introduce yourself, and go into more of a “normal” rapport (“getting to know you”)-type conversation.
-You’ve handled the beginning of the conversation, and that’s a huge piece of how to talk to a woman at a bar!
Again, you can now go into more of a normal conversation. A lot of dating “experts” and coaches say not to ask too many questions or talk about boring things, but if you stay in touch with your attraction and turn-on for her and your genuine interest in getting to know her – actually feeling those things in your body – how you look at and hold eye contact with her changes, your tone of voice changes, and suddenly you’re having a flirty, sexual non-verbal conversation underneath whatever words you guys are sharing. More on that in the “related” section below – Especially see the “8 Qualities” post on your turn-on.
Related:
The 8 Qualities Of A Confident and Masculine Man: Turn-On
Sexual Tension: How to Create Chemistry with a Woman (Video Demo)
How to Avoid the Friend Zone
How to Give Women Compliments so They Get Attracted to You
5 Steps To Develop and Become a Grounded Man
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