Are you one of those men who is constantly avoiding making decisions? Who can’t or won’t make a decision when there’s a fork in the road?
Editor’s Note: This post was originally published in June 2020.
I know from my own experience that at the beginning, it feels difficult to take the step into the unknown, to leave a familiar environment, but this reorientation is necessary. This skill alone can change your life incredibly. On all levels: health, women, dating, business, and beyond.
I say it again for clarification -making decisions can change your life overnight.
That’s why Napoleon Hill dedicated an entire chapter in the well-known bestseller, Think and Grow Rich* to this topic.
*FEARLESS may get a small commission if you purchase through this link.
“The great leaders of the world were men and women of quick decision,” Hill wrote. He describes in great detail why certain people are more successful and how they were known to make decisions quickly and only change their minds slowly, if ever at all.
This brings me back to my career five years ago, when I went through life as a chemist: really lifeless, apathetic, and bored.
But one evening, I was sitting at home on the couch and suddenly realized, “You have to make a decision. Do you really want to continue your life like this? Do you still want to discover what you are made of? What more do you want to experience as a man?”
But there were also all those negative thoughts and doubts: “You have no experience in personal training, coaching, or being a freelancer. You still have to learn more. The timing isn’t right. You’ll make more money at the other job.”
Interestingly enough, when I quit my job to start my own personal training and coaching business, opportunities flew at me. My subconscious had prevented me from seeing all these opportunities that had been there all along. Potential business partners contacted me on their own initiative, personal training gyms were recommended to me, and new educational courses that would help me get the business rolling seemed to magically appear on Facebook. It really was almost magical, the serendipity.
All this just because of one single decision. And of course, it had less to do with magic and more to do with how much power and energy is inside of one’s committed decision.
As you have seen in my own story, several roadblocks may come your way and hinder you from making a decision. Let’s talk about four of the big ones:
1. Lack of self-trust
Trust in oneself is one of the most important building blocks for making decisions. We can build this up step by step. Let’s take the example of you approaching women on the street or in everyday life. In the beginning, you could start small and promise yourself to ask a woman for directions to Starbucks – every day for the next 90 days. (In the Experience intensive, the FEARLESS coaches lead you in this step-by-step process.) That way, you build trust in yourself by setting and achieving a manageable goal. It’s very important to start small and set yourself up for success with very achievable goals so you don’t end up abandoning them.
2. Overthinking Decisions
This is one thing that I see all the time in men. They are constantly thinking about some plan of exactly how to do something – find a better way, learn more tips and tricks, and analyze every single step. This habit I can assure you right now, is total bullshit. Listen more consciously to your feelings and your gut. The more often you do this, the more your ability to make decisions will improve. Brian (the founder of FEARLESS) also mentions in this context that your gut feeling acts like a second brain and helps you make quick decisions without having to think twice.
3. Looking at your decision as right or wrong
Deepak Choprah, a well-known spiritual teacher, describes this very aptly: “ If you obsess over whether you are making the right decision, you are basically assuming the universe will reward you for one thing and punish you for another. The universe has no fixed agenda. Once you make any decision, it works around that decision.”
This means there’s not really a wrong decision, there’s only growth. If you make a decision that turns out to be “wrong,” at least you’ve taken action, moved forward, and can now make a new decision. You only get stuck if you don’t make a decision at all or if you stop deciding. And not making a decision is also a decision, by the way.
4. Suppressing your fears and regretting your past
Suppose you want to live healthier. But you have tried so many times to get your weight under control or to start with weight training. Unfortunately, every time you give up after the first two months. This happens because in your subconscious, there are still certain fears and judgments from the past stored in your body, which now trigger this imbalance. Therefore, the process of releasing is probably one of the most powerful means of letting go of obstacles, fears, and the past and allowing healing in the body. Which, of course, in turn means that if you practice regularly, you are much freer to choose and decide what you really want in your life.
So what can you do now to really improve this quality?
– Practice listening to your gut and then commit to a decision.
– Next time you’re sitting in a coffee shop, restaurant, or bar, decide on what to order within 60 seconds. Make this a habit.
– Several times during the day, ask yourself what you really want. Where do you want to put your energy?
– Cross out the following words or sentences when you have to make a decision: Maybe, I don’t really know, “What do you want to do?” (putting the decision on someone else), I’m not sure, maybe later. Start with clear yes and no answers.
These changes may seem small now, but believe me, they will accumulate over time and then you will be much more ready to make the big decisions of your life.
And here I emphasize again the importance to really make a decision. Instead of spending weeks or years worrying about whether or not to take this or that step in your life, it is much more crucial that you become a man of quick decisions. Mistakes will be made either way. Mistakes are part of growth and moving forward. A space shuttle is actually off course most of the time. It only gets to its destination by moving forward and making tons of little course corrections all the way to the moon.
Become aware that you already have everything inside you to succeed. The first step is to make a decision.
