Guys who are really confident about and comfortable with sex aren’t afraid to talk about it.
Editor’s Note: This post was originallypublished in August 2018.
If you’re not comfortable openly talking about sex – with women, or pretty much anyone else – that’s sexual shame. It’s rampant in our society.
So with sexual shame, the number one way to move past it is to start talking about it.
I often ask the men at our events who’s comfortable with sex and almost everyone raises a hand.
Then I say, “who wants to share their fantasies with us?” …and the room goes silent. Again, that right there is shame.
And then, when guys do volunteer, they usually talk about it sheepishly, without details or with a lot of innuendo to avoid being explicit. And without feeling.
When I talk about sexual confidence, I’m talking about being comfortable, having fun, and being full of feeling and emotion while talking about sex and what turns you on in graphic detail. Anything less means there’s some degree of shame running inside you.
This is why most guys avoid this subject by having mundane conversations with women that kill attraction.
The reason you feel scared to talk about sex openly is that currently there is a belief in your subconscious that says: Sex is wrong. Being sexually attracted to and turned-on by women is wrong. Especially a woman you’re just meeting for the first time.
If you really think about this and allow yourself to be brutally honest, you’ll realize that you actually – at some level – believe that sex is wrong.
Do you think a woman wants to fuck or date a man who’s scared or ashamed of being sexual?
That’s not likely to get her turned on. That’s not likely to lead to the bedroom. Or anywhere remotely close to it. It’s likely to – consciously or subconsciously – make her feel like she needs to hide her own sexuality. Or just never spark any sexual feelings or energy at all.
Now picture a guy who’s confident in his sexual nature, in his desires and attraction for women, in his love for sex. And he doesn’t project any shame onto women for being sexual and loving sex, either.
How do you think women are likely to respond to and behave around that guy?
Letting go of the shame around it and building sexual confidence is crucial.
One of the best things you can do with to drop shame and build sexual confidence is to get yourself around a safe group where you can talk things out that you want to see and experience sexually.
Being able to talk about sex without turning it into a joke (that’s a tension release), can be really powerful for men who have never had that experience before. It’s too prevalent in male culture to tease each other about sex and our desires. And that’s incredibly harmful to us as men and society overall.
There are a lot of safe groups out there including the community of guys in FEARLESS. There are also groups out there that are co-ed, and it’s great to talk about sex in a safe way with women, too. This can really help you get comfortable in your feelings and desires and in your body, too. Once you get comfortable talking about sex with women, they don’t mind talking about it with you. Women love talking about sex! It’s one of their favorite topics.
The more comfortable, grounded (relaxed), and confident you are talking about sex, and the more fun you have talking about it and expressing your sexual desires, fantasies, and experiences, the more comfortable and open women are likely to be talking about sex around you and potentially even being sexual with you.
I emphasize you having fun, because if you’re all up in your head talking about sex analytically with no emotion or feelings in your body, you’re not going to form that emotional connection with women, they’re not going to be able to feel your emotions and the human being inside you, and that’s where things get dry…or just creepy. So you want to practice getting out of your head when you talk about sex.
There are also meditations that can open you up more to turn-on and desire. You can practice walking around in your turn-on and start to enjoy it.
What is turn-on but creative energy? Ultimately, sex can lead to creating a new human being. Some of the most successful people in the world channel this energy to create art or new businesses. Eventually, when you become comfortable enough with the energy, you can disassociate it from sex (when you choose to) and associate it with your work or whatever it is that you want to create for yourself in this world.
I also teach a specialty 3-day intensive that’s entirely focused on building sexual confidence. We have the FEARLESS Models there most of the weekend, too, so you can learn to get comfortable being open about sex with women right away.
That’s an advanced program that’s only open to guys who have gone through The Experience Intensive, but The Experience or one of our seminars or summits (if you’re not quite ready for one of our intensives) are great ways to get started. We address and have exercises specifically for sexual shame and sexual confidence at almost all of our events. See what events we have coming up here.
So whether it’s at one of our events, another safe group that practices being open about sex, or even a group of women or friends who you can talk about sex with (again, without making it into a joke), find people you can start practicing talking about it with…with feeling and emotion. And practice connecting with your turn-on more. I’ve included some resources in the “related” section below.
Related:
How to Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Body
The 8 Qualities Of A Confident and Masculine Man: Turn-On
Use This Trick For Better Sex and Relationships
Sexual Tension: How to Create Chemistry with a Woman (Video Demo)
Questions? Find me @BrianFearless on twitter!
