There are certain qualities that a man can exhibit that are universally attractive to women. Even if a man is not a woman’s particular “type,” if he has cultivated these qualities she will experience “turn-on” when in his presence. This mini-series is a primer to the 8 Qualities that I teach in depth during our live events.
If you’ve missed any of the first four qualities, catch up here:
#1 – Grounding #2 – Tension #3 – Being Decisive #4 – Listening & Feeling
The Container – What Is It / What Do I Mean
The “Container” is the frame around the painting, whereas the painting is the expression. This metaphor works because it helps to separate out the masculine framing from the feminine flow.
If you want to create polarization between masculine and feminine energies (aka create chemistry), you need to understand how to embody the role of the Container. Creating a great container means you’re handling the shit when the shit hits the fan, both internally with your emotions and externally with your actions and words. It also means you’re handling it when the shit is going as planned, too.
The point is that you are embodying the masculine energy of being a protector, which signals safety and freedom to her feminine essence.
Why It’s Important
Many women have gone through situations where men have either hurt them or just not been able to handle emotions between them, and forced the women into their masculine. The world itself has been dominated by men historically speaking, but now women have taken on more and more of the masculine roles in the form of stepping into the tension of careers in our competitive job market. Now we’re in an interesting scenario where women are able to access more of the freedoms that are available to men but they’re still not happy, because the energy of the masculine isn’t showing up for them in their dating, sex, and relationship lives.
Even among powerful, career-motivated women, many of them still – consciously or subconsciously – want to go into their feminine with a masculine man when the work day is over.
If you can present yourself as a man who’s going to come into her world and act as the container for her feminine energy, an energy many women are starving for, she will start to feel safe unfolding and being feminine around you.
I even see it in our workshops. Some of our models who exude a seemingly more “masculine” energy when we bring them in to work with students will have a different energy and vibe with me and my partner Dave. Because we’ve established a safe container of our masculine that signals it’s ok for them to express their feminine. They’ll suddenly become very girly, giggly, flirty, and emotive with us, whereas they remain more guarded in their own masculine with most of our students. (This changes after we’ve led them through an entire workshop of our teachings.)
How To Do It / Develop It
Create space and manage it.
When you meet a woman and start connecting with her, you can ease into the space to create the container. It’s having an awareness of the space around you and how it’s affecting the dynamic between you. If you connected at a bar and it’s crowded, you’ll feel yourselves wanting to become more intimate. You feel an awareness of each of your own individual spaces and energies as well as the space between you two. In order to keep the container, you know it’s time to gently grab her by the hand and take her to a quieter area. This allows you two to both get what you want – more connection.
Another example is if people are particularly rudely bumping into you or her, you deal with it. You calmly tell them to pay attention to their own space or even physically stop them from jostling you. Then you let it go and get back to your connection with her. Whatever happens, you deal with it. This lets her know on a deep level that you’re the kind of guy that will protect her and take care of her.
Internally, it’s emotionally handling the space, energy, and interaction. Much of this goes back to grounding whatever comes up. So there’s the expansion of awareness of the physical space and environment around you as well as the “bubble” between you and the woman you’re connecting with, and there’s a sense that the masculine is emotionally managing the space and connection so the feminine can be more free to express itself.
It’s an offering to her from your masculine center. She can then choose to accept it from you, or not.
For example: If she gets nervous, emotional, or “freaks out” about something – say you bringing up a sexual topic, or you telling her something sexually direct – do you stay grounded, open, connected emotionally, and hold the emotional space (the container) together for her to express emotionally and bounce off the walls of that container, so to speak? Or maybe she’s the one who brings sudden tension to the conversation. She could be getting sexual with you or challenging you about something. Again, do you stay open, connected to her, and grounded in the midst of all that and show her you can handle her?
If you either freak out or shut down emotionally, it’s probably not going to go well. But if you maintain that open, connected container for her to safely express and bounce off of, you become massively attractive, and very often calm them down. You can pull off a lot more sexually and in general when you maintain a strong container.
This doesn’t mean you go along with everything she says or wants, and it doesn’t mean every woman will accept your container or you, but it means you’re doing your thing as a masculine man.
You can also create a container for both men and women in social and business situations – it’s part of leading, which is the next quality you can read about here.
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