In this video at an event with the FEARLESS Models, Brian discusses why nice guys tend to explode after not showing much anger most of the time, and why some women bounce back and forth between dating jerks and nice guys.
Nice guys – the kind of men who women commonly put in the friend zone because “he’s too nice,” or “You’re such a nice guy. You’ll make some lucky girl very happy some day..I just don’t see you that way,” – usually suppress much of their anger and avoid confrontation with people. They’re people-pleasers because they’re afraid of tension, afraid of rejection, afraid of abandonment, and the like.
But this codependent suppression and filtering of their real feelings, needs, and desires, lack of healthy boundaries, and allowing people to walk all over them builds up resentment and even more anger. And like a tea kettle, they eventually boil over and explode with emotion…sometimes out of nowhere.
Then the nice guy, after maybe feeling relief fo a fleeting moment, then goes right into shame and fear over what they’ve done. They may appologize profusely and insecurely as Brian talks about in the video, and this only damages relationships and how other people see them further (especially in the case of romantic or sexual relationships with women), because it’s all coming from a needy, insecure “Please don’t leave me!” place.
The other piece Brian talks about in the video is why some women have a tendency to cycle between dating assholes and nice guys: They have fun with the asshole because he’s more confident than nice guys, he’s exciting, and he’s usually being more authentic with women than nice guys (who are constantly coming from a place of pleasing and “please like me”‘ing, which is actually manipulative) even while he’s being an asshole.
But eventually, the asshole does tend to be…an asshole and hurt women emotionally. So then many women will turn to a nice guy to recover and get away from assholes. But eventually they get bored of the nice guys’ people-pleasing vanilla insecurities – or get struck by one of his boied-over-rage explosions – and they end up leaving the nice guy to find another exciting asshole.
