So you are at the bar with your buddies, and then you see her. She’s gorgeous, and you can tell she’s into you. You start talking and things are going great…and then she drops the bomb on you.
“Hey, by the way, I should probably tell you that I have a boyfriend.”
Your heart sinks. And now you wondering what to do.
Dating can be tricky.
You never really know what’s going to happen until you take that plunge and go for it. And sometimes, even when things are going great, you might find yourself in a situation where the girl you’re interested in tells you she has a boyfriend. So, now what? [/pullquote]What should you do if the woman you like tells you she already has a boyfriend? This can be a difficult situation to navigate, but with the right approach, it’s definitely possible to win her over.[/pullquote] Read on for our tips on how to proceed!
Reasons She Might Say She Has A Boyfriend
She might say it because she’s not interested in you, or she does have a boyfriend, or she’s just not sure about you yet. It could be any of these. You just need to get used to it if you’re going to be out meeting women.
She might be testing you! A lot of women have tons of guys around them vying for their attention.
The Key to What to Do if She Says She Has A Boyfriend: How She’s Being
You have to feel out and pay attention to how she’s being when she says it: Her vibe, vocal tonality, body language, and other non-verbal sub-communication.
She may say she has a boyfriend just to see your reaction – to sort of test how solid you are…or even as a slightly “punchy” way of flirting with you.
Again, how does she say it? What’s her tone of voice, eye contact, and body language like? And without overanalyzing every little piece of that from your head, what overall vibe do you feel from her when she says it?
Is she being cold or clearly shutting you down? When you get this vibe from a girl who says she has a boyfriend, she could either really have a boyfriend or just be saying it to gently reject you, but either way that’s usually a good sign you should move on.
But if she’s not pulling away from you, it could mean something else entirely. If she still seems warm, flirty, or is leaning into you when she says it, she could also be telling you that she has a boyfriend but is in an open relationship and just wants you to know she’s not “single.”
Now, if she likes you but does have a boyfriend she’s monogamous with, she’s going to be upfront and forthright. She likes you but can’t do anything about it.
Some Do Have Boyfriends…But Don’t Care
Some women are saying it because they have a boyfriend and they want you to know that they’re taken but don’t mind cheating if you react the right way – if you aren’t taken aback or ungrounded by hearing the boyfriend thing, and if they believe you can keep everything under the radar. I’m not personally into it, but some guys are.
Open Relationships
The women in open relationships will usually tell you that.
I’ve done the open relationship thing. It was an interesting, surreal experience. I met a girl that had a boyfriend. I’d go over to her place, hang out with her boyfriend, and then go on a date with her. And he’d have dates with other women. Later, I’d bring her back from the date and we were all buds about it. More liberal lifestyle for sure. It’s not for everybody.
So girls will say they have a boyfriend for all sorts of reasons. If she’s not being cold or assertive when she says it, you have to dig in a little deeper.
When In Doubt, Move On
If the girl is being cold and shutting off, just move on! What’s the point? There’s another cute girl around the corner. Girls won’t lie to you if they like you. A lot of guys are looking for the trick to get past the boyfriend and there really is none. You have to look at who she’s being and the sub-communication and feel it out from there.
What to Do if She Says She Has A Boyfriend – What I Did Recently
Personally, I don’t get the boyfriend thing that often anymore. I used to get it a lot in the beginning, but it dropped off as I became more present and confident. And that happens for a lot of my clients, too.
It did actually come up for me a while back, though. I met a girl at the supplement store. She had a cute dog so I said hi and started joking with her. We ended up having a deep conversation for 10-20 minutes. We were both really feeling a connection between us – it was obvious. And that’s when she suddenly started referencing her boyfriend, probably because she realized the connection was getting stronger and she needed to hit the brakes. She was telling me about when her boyfriend almost got the dog into a fight, how they were living together, and a couple of other things. So that made it clear the boyfriend was real.
At the same time, we were continuing to connect and feel closer and closer. I had a decision to make at that point. I could have asked her to hang out – go get a coffee or go for a walk, for example – but I’m not interested in that because of the boyfriend. We could hang out as friends, sure, but I wasn’t truly interested in that, either.
So I ended the interaction and told her I had to go. I could tell she was feeling let down. And she was cute and sweet yes, but you gotta decide what’s important to you.
Bonus Tip on what to say
One answer that also works really well is just a simple reply “That’s great, I have girlfriends too!”
Be playful with it. Most men take themselves too seriously. So what if she has a boyfriend, that’s ok
When You Can Sense Something’s Very “Off”
Now sometimes a woman will say she has a boyfriend and then keep talking. Well, maybe stay in the interaction and keep flirting and see if he comes up when you ask for the number in a few minutes. Maybe you were moving forward too fast and she hasn’t figured out if she likes you yet. Don’t push too hard or take it personally and just keep flirting anyways. In these scenarios, when you build more trust and connection, the “fake” boyfriends begin to disappear.
One last time: What to do if she says she has a boyfriend and she’s cold and shutting off is just move on. But if the connection is clearly there and she’s not pulling away emotionally, asking you to leave or back off, or walking away herself, then just stay grounded and keep flirting.
It’s natural to feel like you’ve done something wrong, or like you’re not good enough when this happens. You might start thinking about all the other guys she could be dating and feel like you’re at a disadvantage.
But what we do here is teach men how to get over this fear and start getting the girl you want.
And if you’re new here, you can learn about what being grounded means here:
The 8 Qualities Of A Confident and Masculine Man: Grounding
5 Steps To Develop and Become a Grounded Man
If you do get the boyfriend line a lot, this might also be good for you to work on: How To Be More Attractive to Women by Developing Your Indifference to Outcome
