Editor’s Note: This post was originally published in June 2017.
One of my most common types of clients throughout the years has been men with very analytical jobs. Especially engineers.
These men are usually highly intelligent and often very successful.
They have a good head on their shoulders, got a great education, and have stable, handsomely-paying careers being rocket scientists and the like.
But despite all that success, their dating, sex, and love lives aren’t satisfying them…if they have any kind of dating life at all.
Scratch that – it’s actually often because of the analytical requirements of their jobs (and their upbringing that lead them there) that these men struggle so much to connect with women. Or at least it’s a big part of the picture.
As I talked about in one of my videos, you can’t seduce women logically.
You also can’t analyze your way into bed with a woman, and you have got to get out of your head and into your body-connected with your feelings and emotions, as well as hers.
The author of The Tao of Dating: The Smart Woman’s Guide to Being Absolutely Irresistible, Dr. Ali Binazir wrote a piece (for men and women) for HuffPost on “smart people’s” challenges when it comes to dating. It’s really valuable and parallels a lot of the things you’ll learn at FEARLESS.
The 5 key points of his article:
1- Growing up, smart kids spend too much time on achievements and not enough on relationships.
This one’s pretty self-explanatory. Binazir makes the point that smart kids tend to come from smart families and that those families are usually achievement-oriented, but this could also hold true for smart kids with families that are struggling-financially or educationally that end up with an especially bright child: Regardless of the family’s history, parents want to make sure they’re setting their children up for success and making the most of their lives, so they’re going to push a child who shows signs of brilliance to capitalize on that. But often this comes at the cost of learning to relate and connect to other people, and learn social and emotional intelligence.
2- Smart people feel entitled to love.
You’re intelligence and dedication to your studies and extra-curriculars was rewarded when you into a good college, when you got a good degree, a good job, promotions and raises, etc – so you’re an extremely eligible bachelor and you should now be rewarded with love, affection, and sex, right? That’s not how attraction and love work.
3- You don’t feel complete in your sexuality, so you don’t act like a sexual being.
This is where Binazir’s points begin to really align with what FEARLESS is all about. Binazir touches on the importance of the dance of polarity between the masculine and feminine in creating attraction, and how you must slow down your analytical mind and move energy and feeling into your heart and your groin.
Unless you actually convey femininity as a woman or masculinity as a man, you’re not going to attract a suitable companion of the opposite sex…
…When all of your personal energy is concentrated in the head, it never gets a chance to trickle down to the heart, or, god forbid, the groin. By virtue of being born of the union of male and female, yang and yin, you are a sexual being. Deal with it. Now do what you need to do to perpetuate the race already. Use what mama amoeba gave you.
I would also add that because of the focus on achievement, lack of focus on relationships, and extreme cautioning from parents and teachers about things that could “distract” or get you in “trouble,” there’s often a large build-up of sexual shame that has to be dealt with.
4- You’re great…at getting in your own way of success with women.
“…you are programmed to reproduce. Now quit thinking you’re smarter than the 3 billion base pairs in your genome and 4 billion years of evolution. Actually, just stop thinking altogether. Let the program do its work.”
This goes back to being too analytical and thinking too much. The more you get in touch with your body and emotions and connecting with the emotions of women, the easier things become. Overthinking screws us over ALL THE TIME. Stop thinking so hard, get in touch with your body, and trust your gut.
5- You eliminate too many women, too quickly for not being as smart as you.
This one I don’t see quite as much, but it does come up. Opposites often do attract, and you might connect with women you’re totally crazy about who have a very different background than you. Be open to it.
Binazir makes a lot of great points in his full article, which you can read here: Why the Smartest People Have the Toughest Time Dating
Take a look at how these things connect for you, watch my video on getting out of your head, and start working on it. And if you’re ready for two jam-packed days of learning in-person with me and the beautiful FEARLESS models for an extremely affordable price, check out The Fearless Man Live.
