Do you ever feel like the women you’re really attracted to are never the ones who like you, and the ones women who do like you are never the ones you want?
Many men (and women, actually) run into this, the reasons are simple …and no, it’s not just that the girls you like are “too hot for you,” or “out of your league.”
You come off as more attractive to the women you’re not into because you’re more confident and real around them – you’re actually being yourself. You are more open with these women, you are more in touch with your emotions, and you aren’t worried about what they think of you, so you don’t worry about what to say.
When you are around a woman you are highly attracted to, you are more likely to have emotional walls and defense mechanisms going, and to be nervous, meek, insecure, and even needy. At one level or another, you’re probably trying to figure out who to be and how to be so she’ll like you. When we boil it all down, you’re being fake with her. The real you isn’t showing up for her to connect with and get attracted to.
What she’s getting from you is a character that you think is what she’ll like (and women especially can sense that inauthenticity, whether consciously or subconsciously)…or, maybe just a nervous, insecure wreck. But whether you’re actively trying to people-please and figure out what will “work” with her or you’re overwhelmed by nerves or somewhere in between, she’s not getting the real you.
What you need to do is learn to be more indifferent to outcome.
Not indifferent to the moment. You need to be fully invested in the moment, but free with the outcome and letting it go all the time. Just be free with it.
That means saying what’s really on your mind. That thing you’re either consciously hesitating on, suppressing (ie: The thought, “Holy shit, she’s sexy!”), or even filtering out of your own mind entirely. When you’re talking to a woman you really like, or even before you walk up to her if you’re meeting her for the first time or for a date, ask yourself: “What would I do or say here if I was really ok if she didn’t like it…and didn’t like me for it?”
Go with that. That’s the real you. That’s being yourself.
That might mean direct, unfiltered compliments, but it also inevitably means disagreeing with her, not going along with everything she says or wants or likes, and also pushing back on her in a friendly, flirty way.
In our seminars and intensives, I’ll put men right in front of our models (the women we bring in to help you practice interacting and being real with women) and ask them to play with the tension. Something that pushes her a little bit like, “I don’t like you,” said flirtatiously. It’s really about the sub-communication.
The men are scared to do it! Instead, they are constantly complimenting the girl and what she hears is “please love me.”
Compliments are great and can be essential, but you can’t just be showering her in compliments.
And you can say something sweet, but you have to say it from a grounded and penetrating place if you are going to compliment her. (Read this post to learn how to make compliments actually work: How to give a woman a killer compliment …The post is focused on relationships, but fully applies to women you’re meeting for the first time, too.)
Ask your friends if you are being different with women you really like. Assuming you have honest friends.
And just start noticing where you’re filtering yourself, cramping your style, or trying to figure out what to do or say so she’ll like you or so you won’t “mess it up.” And then try to go with that thing you’re hiding from her. In every moment, as much as you can
Related:
How To Be More Attractive to Women by Developing Your Indifference to Outcome
Sexual Tension: How to Create Chemistry with a Woman (Video Demo)
How To Use Tension To Create Attraction
